The Elladan Show 4
By Elladan son of Elrond
November 1st
It is slightly past noon. I have just gotten out of bed. Aerthos
has just left to go home. I think the whole story needs a once-over.
I hung about the entrance to the PoliSci cabaret last night for a while before
it opened, hoping to catch Elrohir before he arrived. I saw neither
him nor Aerthos. After about an hour of nothing, it occurred to me
that Elrohir might have made for the Theatre cabaret to talk to me.
So I went over there. Also no Elrohir. I hung about at that entrance
for about twenty minutes before someone, who turned out to be Nova, came
and grabbed my arm. I had to dance with her for what seemed like eternity,
all the while pretending to be Elrohir and all the while worrying about what
was going on over at the PoliSci cabaret (probably chaos, with Elrohir right
in the thick if it). Nova kept "accidentally" touching me in inappropriate
places.
"You seem a bit distracted," she said. "Is something wrong?"
"No no, I'm fine," I said. Then I remembered I had to talk like Elrohir,
so I added, "dude." She gave me sort of a funny look. I know
I'm not a very good actor, but I had to keep up the charade. I did
the first Elrohirish thing that popped into my head. "Guess what?"
I asked. She blinked and said, "What?" I grinned like an idiot
and yelled, "Chicken butt!" This was followed by "Guess why?", "Guess
who?", and "Guess how come?", all with answers pertaining to some chicken
body part or bodily function. Afterward Nova was sufficiently pleased
with my level of Elrohirishness, so we went to go stand in the drinks queue
for vodka coolers.
I had to use up so much concentration on being Elrohir that I lost track
of the time. It has never occurred to me before just how much energy
he must go through in a day. No wonder he sleeps so much. When
I finally thought to check my watch, it was three minutes past midnight.
I quickly excused myself, telling Nova I had to go find "Elladan" for a minute,
and promised I'd be back. Then I took off running from the theatre
building to the Uni Centre. I arrived to the very welcome sight of
Elrohir standing around outside the multipurpose room looking bored.
He was wearing my vampire cape. "I want to change back into me now,"
he said. "Your social life sucks." I had no complaints about that suggestion,
so we headed for the gents' toilets.
Once we had switched clothes and officially changed back into ourselves,
I briefed Elrohir on the Nova situation, including a list of all the jokes
I'd gone through (Guess what/chicken butt, knock knock/who's there/grape,
owah tagoo siam, and so forth). He should be able to pick it up from
there. Then I asked him what he did all evening. He said, "Not
much," and shrugged. "Just hung out, looked at people. You know,
stuff. Oh yeah, and I kissed that dude over there." Shocked,
I spun around to see who he was gesturing to and almost fainted when I saw
Aerthos standing at the end of the corridor sort of waving lamely at me.
I would have grabbed Elrohir and made him explain everything in excruciating
detail, but he was already off and running to his own cabaret to tell more
lame jokes to Nova. I had no choice but to try to go along with his
severely inadequate information.
Thus, doing the most logical thing I could think of, I walked over to Aerthos.
And since my head was already spinning and my hands were shaking and I figured
I might as well apply all this nervousness to a worthy cause, I kissed him
right there in the corridor. He didn't yell or run away or anything,
which was good. He did look a bit surprised, but in a smiley good way.
"What was that for?" he asked. "No reason," I said. Then, since
the kiss had gone well and thought I might as well try my luck, I asked,
"Do you want to get out of here?" He smiled and said, "Sure.
Where do we go?" I decided to keep pressing my luck. "I live
in the Mindon Residence- really close. We could go there and watch
a movie or something." "Cool," he said with a nod.
When we got back to my room, he looked over the DVD collection while I changed
out of the clothes that Elrohir picked and into something that doesn't need
to be ironed. He picked Star Wars to watch, which seemed like a logical
choice because we'd both probably seen it fifty times before and by
that point we both knew we wouldn't be paying much attention to the movie.
I think we stopped watching sometime around when the Princess' ship is picked
up by Darth Vader's.
All was well until around three, when just as we were drifting off to sleep,
the door opened. Elrohir peeked in. He waved to Aerthos and said
"Hi" before asking, "Do you have any thingies?" "What thingies?" I
asked. "You know," he said. "Those thingies that you use."
I got out of bed and went to the door. "What exactly do you want?"
I asked. "*Thingies*" he repeated, more urgently. I looked toward
his door. Nova was standing there, giggling. "OH," I said
in a voice somewhat louder than was necessary, "you mean CONDOMS."
"Yeah," he said. "Those thingies."
"No," I said, "I'm not Glorfindel. Try asking the machine in the biff.
It sells them." He sort of nodded and was about to walk away, but then
he turned back and asked, "Do you have some change I could borrow?"
I slammed the door and propped my desk chair up against it, just in case.
When I got back into bed Aerthos was laughing. "Your brother's adorable,"
he said. I had to assure him that Elrohir is not adorable- he's exasperating.
We argued over whether Elrohir is adorable or exasperating for the next few
hours before finally getting to sleep.
And that brings me to now. Overall, the start of this weekend has been
very much to my satisfaction. Very much.
November 2nd
I made sure to set the alarm for four this morning so I'd be able to ring
dad and see if he's in bed with Erestor again. Given the time difference,
it was seven there and still early enough for them to be asleep. At
four minutes after four I dialled home, and a few seconds later dad picked
up. I asked to speak to Erestor, please. Dad said, "Nrrrjussminnuh..."
and passed the phone to Erestor. Erestor said, rather groggily, "Hello?"
and I yelled, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ELBERETH ARE YOU DOING IN BED WITH MY
DAD?!"
"Fuck..." he muttered, then hung up the phone without another word.
"Fuck" is probably right! And two weekends in a row! I'm not
going to let this slip by, no way! I'll keep telephoning every Sunday
until they explain things to me.
November 3rd
Dad rang tonight, just as I was about to leave to go wash up and brush my
teeth before bed. He started into the explanation straight away, saying,
"Look, Elladan, I know this is unexpected but you're going to have to accept
it." He then went on to say that he and Erestor have actually been
"sort of" together ever since Gil-galad died, though they'd been keeping
it a secret from everyone. But, now that mum's gone, Glorfindel's moved
away, and Elrohir, Arwen and I are out of the house, they felt it was safe
to be a bit more open about it.
So this has been going on for nearly 3020 years and nobody had any idea!
And now I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Actually, dad said I can tell
Elrohir, because he won't care, but I can't tell Arwen, because it would
make her upset. I made him promise he'd eventually tell her, though.
He said he would. Someday. Which I take to mean, "many years
in the future when she's distracted by screaming children and won't be paying
attention." I also asked what he's going to do about mum when he moves
to Aman. He said he'd worry about figuring that out when the time came.
He has no sense of planning.
Before I went to bed, I told Elrohir about the dad-Erestor situation.
Dad was right. He didn't care. I think I'm going to have to tell
Aerthos though. This is just too strange not to tell. I don't
think dad will mind.
November 4th
Aerthos came by for a meeting after class, which involved a satisfactory
combination of fooling around and actually getting work done. We scanned
a few photos of dad, Erestor, Glorfindel, grandma, and grandpa onto diskettes
to use in a Power Point presentation. Then I rang dad to ask him to
send me all the old video tapes and Super 8 reels of home movies he can find,
since I need them for a class project. I didn't say what the class
project is about. Then, after Aerthos and I decided we had no desire
to do any more schoolwork, we sort of watched The Empire Strikes Back.
I made sure to get his telephone number before he left. He wrote it
on a piece of masking tape and stuck it to my phone. After he was gone
I surreptitiously added it to my memory dial. He's number five, after
dad, dad's work, grandma and grandpa, and Arwen.
November 7th
Aerthos and I are going out tonight. When he asked me yesterday if
I wanted to go out somewhere tonight, it made me suddenly realise that I've
not been off uni property since September when I went to the bus depot to
pick up the box dad sent. And that made me realise that my life must
be very sad indeed. I should make a point of going out more.
Even if it's only to wander around downtown and get leered at by bums.
LATER: I just remembered why I don't like wandering around downtown.
Apart from the getting leered at by bums, I mean. In September I tripped
over an exceptionally large cobblestone on the way to the bus depot, which
caused me to smear mustard from the hotdog I was eating all down the front
of my favourite jacket. The jacket still has a mustard stain, since
I haven't left uni property to go to the drycleaners yet.
November 8th
I ended up staying over at Aerthos' place last night. He lives in a
rental house near the uni with a roommate, who wasn't home. His roommate,
I found out, is deeply religious and had gone to some sort of youth group
retreat for the terminally self-righteous. I mean, for the weekend.
There was a poster of Elbereth in the front room, a little ceramic light-up
Elbereth on top of the stereo, one of those country-craft-type wall hangings
with a cross-stitch of Elbereth in the corridor to the bathroom, a set of
embossed cardboard Valar standees on an end table by the window, and a fibre-optics
picture of Taniquetil above the sofa. It was a bit distracting and
overbearing in a shameful sort of way, so we had to spend the night hidden
in Aerthos' room, well away from Elbereth's melancholy gaze. I think
we watched a DVD of Cabaret, but I'm not sure.
Earlier we had tried going out to a restaurant, but that turned out to be
less fun than anticipated. Aerthos doesn't have a car, and the only
restaurant within walking distance is the crappy pizza place across the parkway
from the uni. I had a small cheese pizza, which was thankfully uneventful.
Aerthos ordered spaghetti. He found something that looked like a Bic's
Yum Yum hidden amongst the noodles. We decided not to stay for dessert
and left as soon as possible, which really wasn't very soon at all since
our waitress spent a disproportionate amount of time ignoring us while standing
in the smoking section having a cigarette with her friends.
So, my adventure out into the beyond-uni world turned out to be no more exciting
than any adventure that could theoretically be had on university property.
I will have to insist on Aerthos coming over here from now on. My room
might be tiny, but at least it's devoid of fibre optics religious art.
Plus, the cafeteria here doesn't have smoking waitresses or random gherkins
in the pasta.
November 9th
Aerthos stopped by to bring me oranges just as I was writing an email to
Glorfindel to tell him about the religious kitsch. He explained that
he used to live in residence and knew all about the unsatisfactory fruit
supply in Mindon. I was thankful for his concern, but also at the same
time a bit worried that maybe he's crazy. I mean really! Who
brings anyone oranges?! Has he been taking classes from Elrohir's School
of Awesomeness?
Though to be completely fair, he was wearing a tight black shirt. That
sort of made up for the peculiar behaviour.
November 10th
The entire Quenya class today was spent working on our group assignment.
We have one line of dialogue so far. It goes something like this:
Talathuir: (approaches Elrohir, who is sitting at an information desk)
Aiya nildo! Essenya Talatoiron. Utúlien Laitaurello Tol
Eressëanna ar lá quetin Quenya.
That's as far as we got before arguments arose over how to properly translate
"Talathuir" and "from Mirkwood". I don't care what Elrohir says; trying
to get Talathuir to say "Ezellatavazello" just isn't practical or sensible,
considering that he can't even say "Quenya" properly. This Vanyarin
fascination is becoming a serious hindrance, not only to Elrohir but also
potentially to my mark in this class.
November 11th
(Anniversary of the Defeat of Sauron in the Last Alliance)
My PoliSci 412 term paper is due tomorrow. I awoke in a panic this
morning suddenly realising that I'd forgotten completely and hadn't started
yet. I think I might be in trouble.
November 12th
I just handed in the term paper, having finished a grand seven minutes before
class ended. The prof gave me a dirty look for skipping class and handing
it in right at the end, but I don't care. It's done. It's only
eight pages long and thoroughly terrible, but at least it's done. I
might have to rely on the final to bring my grade up.
Now I am going to go back to the library and get to work on my 441 paper,
since it's due on Monday and has to be at least thirty pages. How does
this happen?! I spend all semester doing nothing, and now suddenly
everything is due next week! I think the speed at which time passes
must be directly proportional to the amount of homework due in the immediate
future. If I were in physics instead of political science, I would
look into that.
November 13th
Aerthos had words with me before class today. Apparently I was supposed
to meet him after class on Tuesday, which I skipped in favour of writing
my forgotten paper. We were supposed to work on our media project.
Now that I think about it, I vaguely remember him saying something to that
effect over the weekend. I tried to apologise, but he remained sort
of distant all through class. We organised another meeting, though,
for tomorrow evening. And none too soon, since we really need to get
to work. The project is due in one week and all we have so far is a
crappy Power Point presentation of scanned photos and some home movies.
November 14th
It is midnight. Aerthos just left. I was quite impressed by his
ability to use Windows Movie Maker, a program which has thus far been present
in my Start menu but remained something of an enigma.
It took eight hours, but we managed (occasionally via roundabout ways) to
load all the home movies onto my computer and edit them into a four-minute
sequence. We even added some music in places. So that, coupled
with the five-minute Power Point show, brings our presentation up to nine
minutes. We need half an hour by Thursday. I hope the class has
a lot of questions to fill up the time.
After our work session, Aerthos left without so much as a goodbye kiss!
I think he's still mad at me for skipping on Tuesday. Also perhaps
because I told him I couldn't work on the project tomorrow because I have
to work on my 441 paper. He is quite selfish, I think. If it
were up to him all we'd ever do is go for coffee in the Uni Centre and have
sex. Actually if it were up to me, that's all we'd do too. But
unfortunately it's up to dad right now, and he's expecting me to pass this
semester.
November 16th
I invited Aerthos to come by and work on our project for a while but he said
he was busy. I asked busy doing what, but he wouldn't say. I
told him I needed relief from the drudgery of slogging through stacks of
musty old PoliSci books from forgotten corners of the library, one of which
smelled like rotten paint, but he was rather unsympathetic. He'd better
be doing actual schoolwork and not just acting like this because he's mad
at me!
As soon as I had fifteen pages of my paper written and was officially halfway
done, I took a break to go see if Elrohir wanted to go buy sandwiches or
something. I knocked on his door and he answered, wearing naught but
lime green underoos. I asked why he wasn't dressed, though as soon
as the words were out of my mouth I regretted it since I knew his answer
wouldn't make sense anyway. It didn't. "I work better when I
don't have clothes to distract me," he said. I asked what he was working
on, and he said, "Quenya." I tried to be worried, but in all honesty
I think my relief that somebody was actually getting something done outweighed
the concern that it would incorporate a great deal of Vanyarin words and
other nonsense.
I decided I'd be best off forgetting about Quenya though and just enjoying
my break from the 441 paper. I asked Elrohir if he wanted to go for
sandwiches. He said, "Yes!" very enthusiastically and started off down
the corridor toward the lifts. If I were a more evil person, which
I really wish sometimes, I would have let him go in just his green underwear.
But unfortunately I am too nice for my own good, so I called him back and
made him get dressed. He pulled on some gym shorts and a mesh shirt.
I'm not sure if that was an improvement over the underwear, but I didn't
really care so long as he was technically dressed. I followed him down
to the cafeteria. I had a nice break listening to him recount the mind-boggling
tale of the icy square chocolate he found under the radiator that miraculously
wasn't melted. He thinks it might be a religious icon, or perhaps a
scientific marvel of the modern age.
When I got back to my room I played two rounds of pinball, two games of Freecell,
and looked up random words on Google for a while. I think I should
get started on the other half of my term paper soon. It's due in two
days and I have fifteen more pages to go.
November 17th
I skipped Quenya in favour of working on my paper. I'm sure I didn't
miss anything, and Elrohir's working on the presentation anyway. So
my entire day was full of:
The city-state model outlined by Pengoloð in his analysis of post-war
political structures can therefore be clearly traced back to earlier models
presented by Rúmil in his Democracy treatise. Rúmil's
"Tirion" model, when loosely placed in comparison to later theories forwarded
by Pengoloð, is applicable not only to the timeframe in which it was
postulated but also to supervening governments with roots, however tenuous,
in classical Western theory. With few modifications, both models can
be applied successfully to modern-day Mithlond, Imladris, and Lórien
as a whole, this being indicative of the potential "universal city-state"
as touched briefly upon in The Declining Superpower (ibid. 557).
I swear that made sense when I wrote it, but now that I look back, I have
no idea what in the world I was trying to say. I'm concerned that I
might be getting stupider.
November 18th
I finished the paper last night. It's only 28 1/2 pages long, including
notes and bibliography, so I hope I don't lose marks. Now I just have
to write my history paper tonight (which I very thankfully already have started),
then finish the media project with Aerthos for Thursday and work on the Quenya
presentation for Friday, and I'll be all set! Somehow that seems like
too much work.
Aerthos frowned at me in class today, then afterward came over saying that
we really needed to finish the project. I suggested working on it tomorrow.
He asked why not tonight, and I explained about the history paper.
He scowled and stormed out of the classroom in a huff. I followed close
behind. He went into the biff. I still followed. He tried
to shut himself into a stall but I followed him there too and gave him a
thorough kissing while pressed up against the graffiti-covered metal wall.
That seemed to work. He apologised for being a knob and I had the sudden
realisation that I can always hand in my history paper a week late and only
lose 5%. Funny how kissing in a public toilet can make everything better,
even though you'd suspect from its unattractive décor and general
level of filthiness that it would offer little in the way of helping.
Anyway he's coming by in about an hour to work on the media project.
And by "work on the media project" I really mean "maybe work on the media
project, if we remember and can find our clothes."
November 19th
Aerthos stayed over last night. So we could work on the media project
until the last possible minute, of course.
It's almost done. Last night we cut together another segment of newsreels
to show alongside the home videos, to highlight how different politicians
are in real life as opposed to what they appear to be like on television.
Then we worked on the script of what we'll say to the class. So tonight
all that's left to do is fine-tune the script part and do a run-through of
the Power Point. I am feeling quite relieved.
November 20th
We finished the media presentation at eight-twenty last night. That
called for a celebration, so we went to Taco Time and had celebratory burritos,
with extra sauce. Then we came back to my room and had celebratory
smooches as we basked in the glory of having finished the damn assignment
on time.
Just before midnight, as we were lying on my bed and sort of watching Return
of the Jedi, the door burst open and Elrohir peered inside. I really,
really, need to get that keycode changed, since I know that trying to explain
to him the courtesy of knocking would be a wasted effort. He looked
at us, sort of nodded hello, then proceeded to sit down, turn on my computer,
and monkey around with it. I politely asked what in the world he was
doing. He said, "Quenya," and kept monkeying. I honestly tried
to just stay where I was and let him do his thing, but with each passing
second I became more and more convinced that he was about to accidentally
delete some critical Windows file. Worry eventually won out and I got
up to supervise his computer usage.
"There," he said, pointing to a file he had saved to my desktop, "you'd better
learn that by Friday." Then he left as unexpectedly as he had come.
I opened the file, and it turned out to be a nine-page-long Word document.
I did a quick scan for my name. I have twenty-four lines. I am
never going to learn all that in time. I must've made some sort of
despairing sound, because Aerthos said, "Just come back to bed and worry
about it tomorrow." I did go back to bed, but I kept worrying and couldn't
sleep. The last thing I remember before the alarm went off was looking
at the clock and seeing 5.53 am. When I finally did get to sleep, I
had a stressful dream about Elrohir being run over by a ferris wheel and
me having to sell state-of-the-art transparent computers door to door to
get enough money to pay for a specialist Hobbit surgeon to reattach his legs
after the accident. Then dad started yelling at me for showing orcs
the secret path to get into the front yard. Then I woke up, feeling
even more exhausted than when I went to bed.
I took Aerthos down to the cafeteria for breakfast and we both apathetically
picked over the selection of rubbery eggs and cold toast. There wasn't
even any jam left, so we had to have peanut butter. Then I got changed
into my fancy Noldo costume for the presentation, and Aerthos borrowed Elrohir's.
I'm not sure why we thought this was a good idea. The costumes didn't
really make us look more respectable at all- just a bit more ridiculous.
Also, Aerthos got his sleeve caught in the security door on the way out of
the residence building, and the door made a small black grease smudge on
the fabric. I hope Elrohir doesn't notice. These things cost
a fortune to dry clean.
But, barring the sleeve mishap, the rest of the day went very well.
We went first with our presentation, and the class seemed to enjoy it.
Especially the part in the video where dad sat down in a broken lawn chair
and dropped his plate of coleslaw all down the front of his shirt.
Even the prof laughed out loud at the old super 8 movie of dad and Gil-galad
doing tequila shots with Elendil, who was wearing a cowboy hat and had enormous
sideburns. I think that's a good sign. After class, Aerthos and
I went for lunch, still wearing the Noldo costumes. He dropped a meatball
in his lap and got a sauce smudge on the robe. I hope Elrohir doesn't
notice that either.
Now the only thing that's left to do this semester is the Quenya presentation.
I'm supposed to be meeting with Elrohir, Nova, and Talathuir in the library
in an hour. I hope they don't expect me to have this script memorised.
November 21st
I think I can safely say, without any sort of exaggeration, that our Quenya
presentation was the best in the class. Elrohir was the star, since
he's easily the best out of all of us. He played a confused university
student (big stretch there). I played his good conscience, who kept
telling him to act responsibly and get his homework done. His bad conscience
was played by a television showing a pre-taped video of him telling himself
to go out and get drunk every night. Talathuir was an exchange student
from Mirkwood who was a bad influence on Elrohir, while Nova was the innocent-girl-next-door
type who fought valiantly to keep Elrohir on the right track. Highlights
include Elrohir arguing with himself on television, Talathuir playing up
his already terrible Silvan accent to hilarious extremes, me hitting Elrohir
over the head with a biology textbook, Elrohir and Talathuir's elaborate
stage fight (with cardboard Fiommereth wrap tubes painted to look like lightsabres),
and Elrohir and Nova's cliché romance movie True-Love-Conquers-All
kiss at the end. The class cheered. The group that had to go
after us looked worried, and rightly so. Their presentation was about
a girl asking for directions to the train station.
Then, since I was in a good schoolwork mood, I was able to quickly finish
my History paper. I emailed it off to the prof, and allowed myself
to spend a good seventeen minutes basking in the satisfying glow of my own
general stupendousness before going down to the cafeteria for supper.
And it was even pizza night. I sat with Elrohir, and he ate my pepperoni
for me since I don't like meat on pizza. He provided dinnertime music
by singing "Building a Mystery" over and over in many different ways.
Only he kept changing the words, so instead of "building a mystery" he was
"kicking the table legs", "taking [his] jacket off", "looking at Elladan",
"eating a Dixie cup", and so forth.
November 22nd
The best thing about waking up today was realising that I have nothing to
do. And so I did nothing all day, except ring Aerthos. He's coming
by tomorrow, but today, there was blissfully nothing. I stayed in bed
until two and then watched videos. Maybe tomorrow I should do something,
like go down to residence security and ask them to change the key code on
my door so Elrohir can no longer pop in randomly at inopportune moments.
November 23rd
The security technician came up and changed my key code. The new code
is 7294. I just know I'm going to forget it. I asked him if he
could change it to something I'd remember easily, and suggested perhaps 1532,
1701, 2889, 3441, 3726, or something like that, but he refused, saying that
the codes are generated randomly and he has no control over them. However,
I distinctly saw him punch 7294 into the keypad twice and press "set", so
I think he was just being surly and uncooperative. He could've just
as easily entered 1532, and made my life much easier by doing so.
Aerthos came by a few hours later. I thought we'd be just sitting around
watching videos as usual, but he wanted to go somewhere. So we took
the bus downtown and went to the public library. I don't know what
it is about public libraries that attracts insane people, but there were
two of them fighting over a video copy of "The Thief of Valmar" and another
one walking around with a grocery bag full of National Geographics, muttering
about feeding the cats. We ended up quickly picking out a few DVDs
and hurrying out. We were leered at by bums on the bus back to the
uni. We spent the night watching movies in my room, which (I wanted
to point out) we could have easily done without the whole traumatic trip
to the library. Next time he wants to go somewhere I will have to remind
him of this.
November 24th
We got our marks back for the Quenya presentations today. Everyone
in our group got 25/25. I might do reasonably well in this class after
all.
November 26th
I bought a ticket to the Fiommereth Formal cabaret on Friday. I don't
really want to go, but I figure I might as well since I went through the
trouble of getting this dumb formal Noldo costume here and I should probably
get some use out of it. And Aerthos thinks it's attractive in a stuffy
old-fashioned sort of way, so...
November 27th
My telephone rang just before four this morning. At first I didn't
want to answer, but then I thought that for somebody to be ringing me at
this time it had to be either a family emergency or some knob over long distance
who didn't realise what time it was here. I picked up the phone.
And I was right with my second guess.
It was Glorfindel on the line. Glorfindel, who hasn't telephoned or
written or even emailed in all the three months he's been gone. Glorfindel,
over a terrible long distance connection with a two-second time delay.
He sounded excited. Crackly and staticky and about to disconnect at
any moment, but excited.
Aralindë just had her baby, and Glorfindel is now the very hyperactively
excited father of a little boy named Elairon Almárëo. He
is 49 centimetres long and weighs 3,2 kilograms. I didn't hear any
baby wailing in the background, which I mentioned, and Glorfindel said that
Elairon doesn't really cry, he squawks. He then held his mobile closer
to Elairon (presumably), and I heard a vague squawking sound. Then
Glorfindel came back on and said that was the most beautiful sound in the
world. I didn't bother to tell him that I think his son sounds like
an albatross.
Then Glorfindel hung up. I think he was trying to telephone everyone
he knew in the space of five minutes. I'm guessing he rang Elrohir
next, since shortly after he let me go I heard someone pushing the keypad
on my door and then rattling the handle when it mysteriously wouldn't open.
I had to get up and let Elrohir in, who looked about as excited as Glorfindel
had sounded. He bounced around and went on about how much he loves
babies. I told him the baby sounded like an albatross. He didn't
know what an albatross sounded like. But, since he still had eight
hours to go before his first class, he decided to walk down to the docks
and find an albatross to listen to. He came back in time for breakfast,
smelling a bit like seaweed, and then spent the rest of the day in bed because
he was frozen from sitting on the breakwater in the dark at the end of November
like an idiot. He didn't hear an albatross either, so to cheer him
up after supper I found an albatross WAV file online. He listened to
it twenty-six times before I made him leave my room.
November 29th
I don't think the Fiommereth Formal cabaret was significantly different from
any other cabaret I've been to, except that everyone was wearing fancier
clothing and drinking spiked egg nog instead of beer. I wore my dumb
Noldo costume, which gathered many comments. Most people said, "Wow,
I haven't seen anyone wearing one of those in a long time!" I will
have to tell dad that. He's still under the impression that they are
the height of fashion. He obviously hasn't looked in PEOPLE magazine
since... Well, he's probably never looked in PEOPLE magazine. Elrohir
also sort of wore his Noldo costume. That is, he wore the drapey robe
part over tight vinyl trousers and his mesh shirt. Somebody took a
photo of him for the uni paper. I sincerely hope this doesn't start
a new trend in masculine formalwear.
Aerthos and I stayed around until midnight, when they did the door prize
draws. Neither of us won anything, but Nova won a GHU key chain.
Then the Fiommereth Classics karaoke started up and we knew it was time to
leave. We made our exit just as Elrohir started belting out "Jingle
Bell Rock". He's not the best singer, but he is loud and enthusiastic
and had put on a red funfur Aulë hat with a sparkly pompom. We
could hear him down the corridor and halfway across the Uni Centre as we
made our way back to the residence.
Back in my room, we had our own private Fiommereth cabaret. It wasn't
nearly as flashy as the one in the Multipurpose Room, but it was very satisfying
all the same. Also, we had a 26 of rum.
December 1st
Last week of classes! Well, aside from finals, but those don't really
count. We spent the entire Quenya class today singing "Fiommerelindi"
and making "hyelleni", which is a fancy way of saying star-shaped tree decorations
made out of wax paper. As soon as class was over I had to look around
and check to make sure we were still in university.
Then in PolySci 412 I got my paper back. On the back page was written,
"I am a bit disappointed with your effort here. Some of this is well
written, some of it is not. You have to be more careful. 60%."
After reading the paper over again, I am a bit disappointed in myself too.
I can't believe I handed in this crap.
December 2nd
I got the 441 paper back today, with a mark of 81%. I tried to read
the prof's comments, but they were largely illegible. The only words
I could make out were "advantageous" and "references". I'll just have
to be happy with the 81 and assume I'm on the right track for the final.
December 3rd
96% on the History paper. I'm not really sure how that's even possible,
since I handed it in late and should've lost 5%. Actually, I
didn't even technically hand it in. I emailed it. The comments
said stuff like "excellent job", "poignant observations" and "informatively
written." The girl who sits next to me got a 73 and mediocre comments,
even though she worked on her paper for a week and a half and it was a good
five pages longer than mine and included many more references. I'm
starting to suspect that the prof just tossed the papers down the stairs
and marked according to which ones landed where. Not that I'm complaining.
This 96 means I only need to get 20% on the final to pass the class.
In Quenya we sang more lindi and made Fiommerel cards for our parents out
of construction paper and sparkles. The prof helped write quaint Quenya
sayings inside each of them. Elrohir had to borrow her big dictionary
to look up the Quenya word for "beetle" to write in his.
December 4th
Last day of classes. Aerthos and I went to the uni pub to celebrate.
We were also celebrating getting a 90 on our in-class presentation.
I figured I deserved it, so I ordered a spicy chicken sandwich. "Smothered
in cheese and jalapenos", the menu read. It didn't look too smothered
when it arrived. I don't suppose anything can be technically "smothered"
in three slices of banana pepper and a Kraft single, except maybe a Triscuit.
Then Aerthos' "loaded" burger came with one slice of bacon, two pickles,
one tomato, two onion rings, and a leaf of lettuce on a Kraft Single.
I think this university has started cheating us in the food department as
well, since it already charges outrageous tuition prices for mediocre classes,
and $1,75 for a 591 ml bottle of Coke that could reasonably be purchased
for $1,26 at the convenience store across the Parkway.
When we got back to the residence tower, more end-of-semester celebrations
were already in full swing. Someone had rigged a Fëanorian flag
up to the pole on top of the tower, and the residence director was screaming
at the custodian to get it down. Then inside, a group of engineers
had hijacked four hapless agriculture freshmen, stripped them down to their
shorts, duct taped them to wheelie chairs, and were placing bets on which
one would wheel down the big entrance ramp fastest. Aerthos had to
jump to avoid being hit by a crop science major. By force of habit,
I almost turned around to yell at Elrohir to be more careful, but caught
myself just in time. Elrohir was in fact nowhere to be seen.
Which was strange, given that all sorts of trouble was going down wherever
I looked. It made me nervous that he was off somewhere getting into
the ultimate trouble. Aerthos agreed that we should probably look for
him.
We found him in his room by himself. He was lying on his bed reading
a book. Not a comic, and not a magazine: a real book, without pictures.
Tenacious D was playing quietly in the background. Not playing loudly,
nor even at a moderate volume: honest-to-goodness quietly. And Elrohir
was even dressed, in jeans and a GHU tee-shirt. He looked up at us
with a smile and said, "Hello." I asked him if he was feeling alright.
He said, "Yep," and went back to reading his book. Aerthos and I looked
at each other questioningly, just as a girl in very tight jeans ran up and
yelled, "Elrohir, the Coke machine in the basement is broken and giving out
Cokes if you put any coins in! Wanna come check it out?" I fully
expected him to jump up and run after her, since I was tempted to do so myself
(having become suddenly very thirsty), but he just rolled over and said,
"Nah, I'm gonna have a nap." He asked me to hit the lights on the way
out.
Now I'm seriously worried. Elrohir appears to have been replaced by
a pod person, and a very sensible and studious pod person at that.
I can't think of any instance of him getting into trouble in the last several
days. The last week, even. I might have to ring dad tonight,
after I finish my three 15-cent Diet Vanilla Cokes. That was all the
machine had left by the time I got there.
December 5th
I got a Fiommereth card from Arwen in the post this morning. I guess
she started with the cards even earlier this year, probably to make sure
I buy her something fabulous and exotic from the Grey Havens instead of some
crap from the Giant Tiger when I get back to Rivendell. I think I'll
get her a book on all the latest Telerin trends in home décor.
Making designer lampshades and slipcovers seems like something she'd do.
I did talk to dad last night about Elrohir, but it was after I'd drank all
the Coke and had a stomach ache from all the carbonation. When dad
asked me how I was, I tried to say, "Good," but all that came out was one
of the loudest burps I've ever produced. It was mortifying. I'm
glad I was only talking to dad. Dad yelled, "Elrohir!" then caught
himself and yelled, "I mean, Elladan!" I stayed silent for a few seconds
before I trusted my mouth enough to speak properly. Then I told him
about Pod Person Elrohir.
I should've guessed that dad would get mad at me for thinking that Elrohir
acting like a normal person for once meant there was something wrong.
He's still sadly clinging to the hope that one day Elrohir will become a
productive and useful member of society, so he took Elrohir's change as a
good sign, not something to worry about. I really miss Glorfindel.
Glorfindel would be on my side for this. I should write him an email.
December 6th
I got an email back from Glorfindel. I knew I shouldn't have
tagged on that courtesy line asking about his dumb baby.
- - - - -
From: "Lauron" <f_lauron@valinat.nat>
Subject: Re: Pod brother
Hey El, good to hear from you. Guess classes
are almost over at GHU for the semester? Must
be nice.
Elairon is fantastic so far. Still sleeps most
of the day, but is getting more active during
the time he's awake, starting to move more.
Usually that activity is in the middle of the
night. Ara read in some parenting magazine
that babies sleep better when they share a bed
with their parents, so guess where he sleeps
now... I don't mind too much, and he isn't
squashed yet from anyone rolling on top of
him... It's amazing, really, just to lie there
and watch him sleep. He's so little still.
Might seem more real as he starts to get
bigger.
Ara and I went shopping the other day to get him
his first real clothes, not that you can buy
much other than those snap-up stretchy suits for
newborns. Usually in pastel colours too, and we
really wanted bright red or blue. Took an hour at
least to finally find tiny corduroy overalls,
though those were sized for three months. Ara had
to make them smaller when we got home. Even then
they didn't fit too well, kept sliding off his
shoulders, so we put him back in the snap-up
stretchy suit as soon as grandma and grandpa saw
how nice he looked in his new clothes. I took a
photo.
Of course he's had lots of visitors so far, from
grandparents to great-grandparents and my aunts
and cousins. We're still looking forward to the
day when he can stay awake long enough to see
everyone. Apart from sleeping at night, he has
naps every two hours or so.
- - - - -
I stopped reading at that point and just scrolled past the next several paragraphs
of Elairon's sleeping and feeding patterns, right on down to the bottom.
Glorfindel had sent photos. One of a floppy-looking sleeping baby in
a humorously large pair of red overalls, one of the floppy baby lying naked
on a sheepskin and looking ornery, a closeup of the baby holding onto somebody's
finger, the baby nursing (I really didn't need to see that), Glorfindel holding
the baby, Aralindë holding the baby, Glorfindel and Aralindë holding
the baby, Glorfindel and some random Vanyar (whom I'm guessing are somehow
related to him) all staring at the baby in awe, the baby all bundled up in
many fancy blankets, and then one of Glorfindel and Aralindë sitting
nicely under a tree with their new son, posing in a way that looks suspiciously
as if this is a photo they plan to send out to everybody they know, likely
in a Fiommereth card. It would be a nice photo if Elairon weren't sleeping
floppily, his tongue sticking out at the camera.
December 7th
I have finals all this coming week. The wise thing to do would be start
studying, but for some reason I can't seem to stop myself from playing Freecell.
Hmm.
I went to check on Pod Elrohir earlier, and he was still being poddish, organising
his DVD collection alphabetically by genre and making a plan of his shelving
unit. Then Aerthos came by, bearing a thermos of coffee. He filled
my mug right up to the brim, almost spilling it, and I almost spilled again
when I added sugar without sipping any off the top first. Aerthos said,
"Good thing it has a meniscus," and just then I had a very odd sense of déjà
vu. He left shortly thereafter. The rest of the afternoon was
clouded in an aura of weirdness. Though I did finally beat the Beginner
level on Minesweeper.
Now I really ought to get around to studying. Really.
Continued in part five
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