| "I am a bookkeeper. I have no imagination."
--Erestor "For such an occasion, trousers are required." --Erestor "A volcano of tea?" --Elrohir "How thoroughly do you think you can dishonour me in this bathtub?" --Elladan "You are not having cat babies on my good Gil-galad jacket!" --Erestor "Stainless steal? The perfect crime?" --Orophin "Grandma thinks Arwen is a girl too, Gil-galad." --Elladan "Aw, Orophin, I wanted to whittle earlier and you wouldn't let me!" --Rúmil "You drive like a TV bad guy!" --Elrohir "Dya think we should yell 'ada' or 'Elrond' in case there are other adas lost in the woods?" --Elrohir "Forget the ski masks. Too risky." --Orophin "No, if it were a crush, he would have hidden behind a shrub and thrown pinecones at me while giggling like an idiot." --Erestor "Im not shouting! I'm talking loudly!" --Glorfindel "My dear friend Rúmil, for example... he is a charming Elf. But he is also attempting to encourage some fiasco which would involve Elrohir jumping from tower onto a trampoline." --Elladan "But I guess we could put it in a pail. Or baggies!" --Elrohir "It's not stealing. It's an emergency." --Elladan "That's sufficiently mundane enough for me. But how on earth did you cope with the smell?" --Lindir "Speaking of the end of the evening... my belly button hurts. How the hell did that happen?" --Elladan "I want to make him drink tea and then jump on him so he wets his pants!" --Rúmil "Well, to put it in layman's terms... lots of hot sex." --Erestor "When we have lived for thousands of years, we start getting complicated." --Celeborn "There are far too many squirrels in this wood anyway." --Celeborn "I would have given you a case of Miruvor, but Erestor assured me that bath mats and loo brushes were what you wanted." --Celeborn "I haven't had a drink in 6000 years. I think it went to my head." --Gil-galad "Don't squeeze me! I'm full of cocoa and I'll pee!" --Elrohir "She teases me back using telepathy, you know." --Lindir "Damnable free samples..." --Elladan "Yes, I decided to get fat, just for you, so everybody else would find me unattractive and quit pestering us." --Erestor "Glorfindel isn't gentle. He's more like a moose." --Erestor "I think my Nana broke Master Erestor." --Lindir "Alle Kinder lieben Bugs Bunny Schuhe!" --Elrohir "Please come in, sir, and note our impressive pickle tray." --Erestor "He IS delightful. Unless he's throwing pinecones. Or dirt." --Elladan "Space heaters are a good way to keep warm. Much safer than naked humans, too." --Erestor "Haldir of Lorien. He could hear dwarves really well." --Rúmil "Lord Manwë, do you carry sporks with you, or did you just make that one appear?!" --Elladan "He was throwing cheese at your brother. I think that qualifies him as an oaf." --Erestor "You, me and Elrond... just like old times... 'cept you weren't there." --Gil-galad "I'd put him in a chastity belt, but he'd probably be grateful." --Erestor "Where do you stand on molesting, Manwë?" --Rúmil "Wanna come over to my house and eat citric acid?" --Elrohir "I'm an ass because you keep on asking me why I'm an ass and questioning my motivation to get drunk and oh hell just shut up and get me another drink please." --Erestor "It's not prejudice when it's true." --Erestor "We will take secluded paths, and if you should fall and die, I will bury you quickly!" --Oropher "The security of the state depends on it, Arwen. Disrobe her, Legolas." --Orophin "Man, if I was an Elfling, I'd be gagging at all the smoochy woochiness in here!" --Rúmil "...Bollocks is Quenya?" --Rúmil "There's a lot wrong with family discount porn!" --Lindir "I am modern. I have new short hairdo. Just like in those magazines." --Finrod "There is a new religion too, and we go to this Catholic church. This is also very modern. Only one God!" --Finrod "Most of the mess is Lego. But I added some Eggos too. And a jar of Prego. It's a rhyming mess." --Elrohir "You'll be an Elf of on-his-way-to-the-hospital action if you don't watch your busy hands." --Erestor "Well it just so happens that I am a history expert. Actually I am an accountant and the co-owner of a Bed and Breakfast. But I do know my history. I never lose at Trivial Pursuit." --Erestor "What I really need to know is what happened from the time of my death... to now." --Celegorm "That's Mister Erestor to you. I'm married." --Erestor "Elves from Lorien tend not to slap the hands of Elves they don't know, except when they thumb wrestle." --Orophin "I only pretend fun and awesome things. Like I made 97 cent noodles for supper but I pretended they were really expensive. Like four dollar noodles. They taste way better that way." --Elrohir "I'm the funnest person in the history of fun!" --Elrohir "Well, I'm sure you'll get just as nice an effect with some bean bags..." --Lindir "Imagine that... you all alone in Lorien... with champagne... who would have thought?" --Haldir "Fine... if you feel you have to undress me, undress me..." --Glorfindel "Accident?! I'll accident you...!" --Erestor |