From Rohan with Love

By Elladan son of Elrond






Dear dad-  This is actually the second post card I've tried to write to you, the first one being
completely illegible since I was writing in the car and we were for some reason driving down a
gravel road at the time.  I just wanted to let you know that I'm still alive despite the headache
that this trip has been so far.  I know I only left four hours ago, but already I'm wishing I hadn’t.
The feeling started not far outside the city limits- I'm riding with Halbarad because Elrohir opted
to fill our car with three of the loudest of Aragorn's friends and dub it the "party wagon".
Anyhow, we had just left the city, and Halbarad kept making worried faces, as if something
were wrong with the car.  I started to worry too when he pulled into a petrol station on the
highway.  But then he got out, rummaged around in his duffle bag, and proceeded to gaffer
tape a Gondorian flag to the hood of his El Camino.  He got back in with a satisfied smile.  It
just went downhill from there.  I won't even comment on the music.  Anyhow, I'll probably
write again soon because there's nothing better to do.  --Elladan
Elrond Peredhel   
307 Or Herentië
Imladris
T2K 2B7





You were right.  There are 122 oil donkeys between Rivendell and the Highway 219 turnoff.  I
counted them, even though Halbarad kept telling me not to.  The counting annoyed him for
some reason.  But his singing along with Limp Bizkit annoyed me, so I figure it was a fair trade.
We've stopped at six different petrol stations so far and have only been gone nine hours.  I think
everyone is sorry they invited Elrohir to come along with the convoy.  His frequent peeing is
slowing down the entire operation.  I've tried to talk to him about his ten-litre-a-day Diet Dr.
Pepper habit, but he doesn't listen.  I should get him to give you a ring once we get to a motel or
something- maybe you can talk some sense into him.  Expect another post card soon.  Postage
in these parts is cheap and plentiful.  --Elladan

Glorfindel
3726 Hithui Ave.
Imladris
T4T 0Z4




Dear Grandpa, I think you'll be able to sympathise with my situation.  You see, Elrohir and I
(well, more like just I- Elrohir doesn't seem to mind) have been hijacked by Aragorn's friends
and are currently on a road trip to Minas Tirith to take place in some sort of anti-Mordor
demonstration.  So far it involves a lot of beer and incredibly loud music.  We've stopped for
the night at a cheap motel in a hick town near Moria and the party is in full swing.  We've been
driving for eight hours and I'm dead tired, but I can't sleep because I'm sharing a (double) room
with Elrohir and three others and they're in the middle of a rousing game of drunken Go Fish.
I'd like to escape to the bathroom for a long hot soak in the tub, but unfortunately our motel
room door handle is broken and there's no shower curtain, so privacy is at a minimum.  I
suddenly show up on your doorstep one of these days, you'll know it's because I've ditched the
others and caught the first plane your way.  Love, Elladan.
Celeborn
835 King Amroth Boulevard
Caras Galadhon, Lothlórien
G1A 1B4
Rhovanion





You'll note by the picture on this postcard that I am now in Isengard National Park.  We are
staying in a bad motel (big surprise).  After driving all day I was really looking forward to a
quiet night of going to bed early, but you know how it goes when Elrohir is involved.  He and
Halbarad and a few others have gone off to play on the highway.  They stole some orange
construction barricades from the roadside and used them to block off one entire lane so that
they could play Frisbee on the asphalt.  From the sounds of things, the passing motorists are
none too impressed.  If we all get arrested for mischief, you know what happened and I'll be
counting on you to tell the judge I was not involved in any way.
Glorfindel
3726 Hithui Ave.
Imladris
T4T 0Z4





Dear dad, Here I am in scenic Isengard.  Originally I was a bit worried about staying here,
what with all the terrorists and all, but Halbarad seems confident that they are all concentrating
their efforts to the south and we should be fine.  I wanted to buy you a souvenir from the motel
gift shop, but unfortunately all they sold were crappy little plastic Tower of Orthanc key chains
and inflatable palantir beach balls, so you'll have to make do with this postcard.  Elrohir says
hello too- he'd write something himself, but he somehow got a pylon stuck on his hand (don't
ask).  Lots of love, Elladan (and Elrohir).
Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
Imladris
T2K 2B7





Arwen- As promised, I am writing to let you know that Aragorn is safe, and that I gave him
that thing you made.  I told him to phone you too, but he probably won't because he's busy
doing something that involves being a pompous arse.  Maybe you should try him on his mobile
one of these days.  But anyway, he's perfectly fine.  In dire need of a shower and clean clothes,
but that's about par for the course.  We met up with them all this morning- Aragorn, Legolas,
and Gimli.  We just narrowly missed a large party of Ents, but Aragorn says he took some
photos for you, since he knows you've always wanted to see Ents.  They made quite a mess of
Isengard (the Ents, not Aragorn et al).  The highway was nigh impassable.  I'll write again when
we get to Gondor-- Elladan.
Arwen
307 Or Herentië
Imladris
T2K 2B7





Dear Bilbo,  Since I'm sure nobody else will take the time to do this, I thought I'd be the
responsible one and let you know that Frodo and his friend Sam have gone off on their own
for Mordor.  Aragorn seems to think they'll do alright though, so I wouldn't worry too much.
They passed through Lórien a while back and were equipped for the journey by my
grandfather, who is rather keen on safety and likely loaded them up with all sorts of things they
won't ever use.  So even if Mordor is dreadful this time of year, they'll be alright.  Yours, Elladan
Bilbo Baggins
na Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
Imladris
T2K 2B7





Dear Grandma; In his anger, Aragorn is forcing me to write to you and say that the camping
tarp he borrowed, the one that was outside rolled up against the garage, was full of bees.  We
tried to camp out last night on our way to Paths of the Dead, but it was a fiasco.  Aragorn
hauled the tarp out of the car he hired in Edoras, undid all the bungees, grandly unfurled it, and
was soon attacked by bumble bees.  Elrohir got one stuck in his ear.  It was not a pleasant
experience.  We all ran back to the vehicles to escape the bees, only to see that Elrohir's iguana
had stepped on the power lock button and locked us out of the Topaz.  We had to cram into
the hired car until the bees went away, then try to coax the iguana onto the unlock button.  Not
an easy task.  I just knew the iguana was going to cause some sort of hassle.  I told Elrohir to
leave it at home with the cat in Glorfindel's care, but he wouldn't listen.  Maybe being locked
out of the car and surrounded by bees will teach him his lesson for next time.  Love, Elladan
Galadriel
835 King Amroth Boulevard
Caras Galadhon, Lothlórien
G1A 1B4
Rhovanion





Dear dad, We arrived today at Paths of the Dead National Historical Site, right on schedule
(according to Aragorn, though I don't think he really has a schedule).  Only trouble is, nobody
realised it costs $12 to go through, and they don't allow cars.  So if we want to pass through,
we'll have to leave our vehicles here and walk.  Aragorn is furious with Elrohir for suggesting we
come this way.  So are the others.  I'm not too concerned, since I'm not really attached to the
Topaz and don't mind abandoning it in the car park, but Aragorn refuses to abandon his hired
car because then he won't get his deposit back.  It's shaping up to be a long argument, but really,
we don't have any other choice now that we've come this far.  We'll have to hitchhike to Minas
Tirith, but at this point I've given up caring what happens.  As long as I live through it I think I'll
be alright.  Love, Elladan.
Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
Imladris
T2K 2B7
Eriador





Elrohir and I, with a group of others, have just gone through the Paths of the Dead National
Historical Site in north Gondor, and I must say it's not an experience I'd like to repeat.  It was
by far the creepiest place I've ever been, so I thought I'd do my best to share that creepiness
via this postcard.  Supposedly that white blur on the left side next to the exit is some form of
ghostly activity, at least according to the fellow who works in the gift shop, but that's always
open to interpretation.  But, now that we're through, our plan is to take a tour bus down to
the coast and then arrive in Minas Tirith by boat.  I'm not too sure on the logistics of it, since
last I looked Minas Tirith was quite a ways inland, but our mate Aragorn's arranging the
whole thing so I just smile and nod.  It's one of those trips... Cheers, Elladan.

Rúmil and Ardlor
410 - 127 3rd Ave SE
Caras Galadhon, Lothlórien
G7K 1M8
Rhovanion






Dear Círdan-  You'd be very proud of me.  I'm on a boat.  Or a ship.  I'm not
really sure what the difference is, but I'm sure you'd know.  You can look at the
picture- it's a lot like the ones on the front of this postcard.  I was a bit seasick
to begin with, but things seem to have calmed down now and I think I'm getting
the hang of this.  If I ever come back to university, I might even be able to take
that sailing class you recommended.  I sure hope Aragorn has taken a sailing
class.  He proposes we go *up the Anduin* to Minas Tirith!  In these boats (or
ships)!  He'd better know how to steer.  If we crash on the riverbank it might put
me off boats and rivers forever.  That happened to Glorfindel- he had a rough time
over from Valinor, so now he won't even go in an inflatable dinghy.  Yours, Elladan.
Grey Havens University
Attn: Círdan
Administration Building, room 202
550 College Rd.
Grey Havens
L-30935





Dear Glorfindel, We are now in Minas Tirith.  Things are much worse here than they showed on
the news before we left.  Aragorn seems confident that everything will be fine, but I'm not so sure.
We arrived in the middle of some sort of attack and managed to get that sorted out, but something
tells me that actually going to Mordor as per the plan will be somewhat worse.  Honestly, I'd rather
stay here until this war is over.  I'm sick of sleeping outside.  Aragorn and Elrohir are sleeping in the
tent tonight, since Aragorn for some reason refuses to act decently until he's King (he has a long
way to go!), but I made for a hotel.  I don't see the sense in depriving myself of civilisation for the
next few days when there are perfectly good lodgings right here.  I wonder if they'd mind if I
chickened out and sped home?  --Elladan
Glorfindel
3726 Hithui Ave.
Imladris
T4T 0Z4
Eriador





Dear Dad-  This is it.  We're leaving for Mordor tomorrow morning.  Elrohir claims he's not
worried, only the iguana is, so that's why he keeps hugging it and petting it and saying everything
will be fine.  I think he's fibbing, because I'm sure worried.  All things considered, I don't think
now would be an opportune time to die.  Perhaps because I've not really *done* anything with my
life yet.  If I live through this, I think I'll have to make a resolution to do more relevant things.  But,
in the event of death, I'd like you to have all the ornamental type things I've collected over the
years, because I know you like them.  You can tell Glorfindel he can have my movies and CDs.
As for Erestor, you can tell him that I don't really hate him.  It's just that he's sort of a jerk
sometimes and I really wish he'd be more considerate when it comes to relationships.  But you can
give him my love, and Glorfindel and Arwen as well, and know that I will be thinking of everyone
on the way to Mordor.  I love you.  --Elladan.
Elrond Peredhel
307 Or Herentië
Imladris
T2K 2B7
Eriador



Continued in The Elladan Show

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