Harsh for Bearing

Fëanáro and his followers were the first to leave Tirion, marching quickly eastward toward the Telerin city of Alqualondë with the flame of their passions and anger still hot in their minds.  But Findekáno son of Nolofinwë and Findaráto Arafinwë's son, who led a second and larger host, were less eager to be gone. Their people made the greater preparations for their journey, gathering with them food and the small belongings they could manage, but also taking time to bid farewell to those who would not be persuaded forsake the blessed realm of Valinórë.  Thus while the Noldor prepared for their march, Findaráto went and alone out of Tirion to seek for his beloved, Amárië, as he would have her travel with him over the sea.

Amárië was a Vanya, but not of the kin of the King Ingwë.  She was rather of the common people who dwelt in small homes around Valmar and the Kalakirya. Her family were labourers who worked with their hands: her mother sewed simple garments for the lower people, while her sisters made lace for those who were higher, and her father crafted paper for the scribes of the king. But though she was not of royal blood Findaráto loved her nonetheless, and would take her for his wife against the custom of his people. He knew at this time that such a marriage could be more easily done in the wide empty lands of Middle-earth where he could rule a kingdom of his own, as Fëanáro had told, and where there would be fewer to speak against the union. And so he sought for Amárië in purpose to have her go with him.

Amárië stood waiting for Findaráto at the door of her father's house, for she knew well that at this time Fëanáro in his rage spoke harshly against the Valar in hope of rousing his kin to rebellion. She feared then what tidings Findaráto would bring from Tirion, perceiving rightly that the Noldor were quick to anger and slow to forgive, and would act overhastily to be revenged for their injuries.  She stood then alone in the darkness and clutched her hands together in sorrow as she waited.

When Findaráto came to her his eyes shone bright and terrible, kindled by the wrath of Fëanáro, and his sword hung bare at his side. And he spoke to Amárië: "Dark is the purpose and the will of Fëanáro, and overquick his words, but still his desire is now my own wish, and that is to leave these shores for our lands in the East. For there is freedom, and kingdoms to rule of our own out of the keeping of the Valar, and there shall we grow great in power. But it is also our will to seek he that cruelly slew Finwë our king. Great ills have our people here endured, and great evil, at the hands of Melkor the Moringotho. Should we not be avenged?"

But Amárië said only: "Thy people have endured the evil, not mine; it is only thee who should be avenged." Then Findaráto saw plain in her eyes that despite her love she desired not to leave the keeping of the Valar in Aman, and he was grieved at this. With fair words and valiant he spoke long to change her heart, but her mind was set and closed against his choice, and she would not yield.

At length Findaráto said: "Then we shall be parted, though it is with great sorrow only that I leave thee. Even now the host of my father assembles to march after Fëanáro, and I must soon go with them. But my love for thee does not diminish with my leaving; I would still take thee for my wife, if thou will it. For I know that I shall never love any other after thee, nor wish to be wed to any other than thee, though we two should remain apart."

Amárië was solemn and silent a moment before speaking: "No more than thee do I wish ever to wed another. I will take thee for my husband."

Thus alone and without witness or ceremony did they speak their pledges to each other, and name the names of Manwë and Varda and the One. Then Amárië gave to Findaráto the leather ring which bore her father's mark, and Findaráto gave to her his own gold ring gifted to him by Fëanáro in years long past, and they were wed. But too soon Findaráto had to leave her to join his father's company out of Tirion. Always though he stayed at his father's side among the last of the followers, and often he looked back toward the fair city and thought on Amárië his wife.


Now Amárië had never told her father or mother or sisters of her love for Findaráto, just as Findaráto had never spoken to any mentioning the name of Amárië. Their love had been in secret, known only to them two, and the marriage remained likewise for a while unspoken. It would have remained entirely unknown had Amárië not soon found herself to be with child, so by this her union was at length revealed. But still she would not speak. All she would tell of her husband was that he was among the Noldor who had followed Fëanáro.  She would not give his name, as in grief at his parting she had sworn an oath to Manwë never to speak the name of Findaráto until he was returned to her. Even when her child had grown and would ask after his father, she would tell only what she had always said to those who asked: he was a Noldo, and he was departed into the East.

The child was born in darkness before the rise of the moon, and Amárië named him in the Noldorin tongue Eressondo, the Solitude-Son. Beautiful he was and fair, as his mother's kin, but in spirit he took more after the people of his father, being sombre and given more to deep thought than light gaiety as was common among the Vanyar. He rarely sang or danced at their festivals, but watched only and spoke solemnly to his mother.

The Vanyar found these ways of his strange so that none held too great a love for the dark son of Amárië, save Amárië herself, as she too had grown solemn and melancholy since the departure of Findaráto. Thus they came to be regarded as outsiders, and they left the house of Amárië's father Vidirwë to dwell nearer the Ezellohar. This was Amárië's wish, for in her grief she desired to be with Eressondo alone, and no other, at the now-dead mound of the Two Trees and the gardens of Yavanna.

There in the gardens Amárië spent the greater part of her time, creating things of beauty and wonder with her needle and thread and beads. These were of crystal and gem, and glittered bright under the lights of Anar and Isil in the patterns that she devised. So skilled was her hand in this beading that the noblest and fairest of the Eldar sought the work of her and no other to adorn their clothing.  For Amárië beaded her designs after the creations of Yavanna: flower, leaf and vine she worked in delicate ways onto the fabric so that none could match her at her art. By this means she lived well with Eressondo away from her family, as in her pride she would accept no charity from them or others.

As the years passed and Eressondo was no longer a small child, he asked ever more often after his father and the fate of the Noldor who had departed back to Middle-earth. But Amárië would speak to him bitterly only of the misdeeds of his father's people, and of their greed and discontent, so that these thoughts passed to him. Then Eressondo was wary of his Noldorin kin and cold toward their ways. Still though he was curious and longed to learn more of his father, and as he was stubborn and fast-minded as Amárië, she could say naught to stay his curiosity.

He resolved then to go to Tirion and live a while among the people of Arafinwë who remained yet in Aman, learning from them what he might. This was against Amárië's counsel, as she was loath to be parted from her son as she had been parted from Findaráto, but nonetheless he did go.  And though he spoke to many in Tirion, none knew of one who had marched after Fëanáro and Nolofinwë and left behind a Vanyarin wife named Amárië. Then Eressondo took counsel alone and thought that he should himself go across the sea in search of his father. But he had no ship, nor did he know the way, and so he abandoned this hope for a time.


In Tirion there remained yet some who would go into the East after Fëanáro. These were for the greater part kindred of the following of Nolofinwë who had turned back from their march at the bidding of Mandos, though they now regretted their choice. But also there were some who had stayed in Tirion when their friends had left and now desired to meet with them again in Middle-earth.

Of these few some had spent their years since the march in the shipyards of the Teleri of Alqualondë, both to atone for their part in the kinslaying by helping rebuild in what ways they might, but also to watch and learn in secret the methods of shipbuilding. For thought the Teleri accepted the help of the Noldor in the rebuilding of their shipyards, they would not suffer any to have a hand in the building of new ships; their ways and devices were their art, as precious to them as gemcraft to the Noldor, and not to be learned by the other kindreds of Elves. But still the Noldor did learn, if by sight only. Then they departed to the more southern shores where they could build unnoticed a ship of their own.  There they worked for three years until it was complete, at which time they returned to their friends in Tirion to prepare for the voyage eastward.

Eressondo was then not quite forty years old, and still a youth among the Eldar. By chance in Tirion he came to be the close friend of one of the Noldor, called Ambarillo, who was of a similar age and held the same desire to cross the sea. Ambarillo had been a young child at the time of the march of Fëanáro, having remained in Tirion with his mother and father though his elder brother chose to follow in the host of Nolofinwë.  Now that he was grown Ambarillo had it in his mind to seek for his brother, and had treated with the ship builders to carry him with them across the sea.

Through Ambarillo it was then that Eressondo met the captain of the ship builders, who was called Kirakáno, to ask for a place on the ship's crew.  This Kirakáno granted him, but only at cost; Ambarillo out of love for his friend gave Kirakáno a gold pendant as payment for Eressondo's passage, as Eressondo himself owned no treasures or things of worth to the Noldor. Then the plan was set, and Kirakáno announced that they would depart in twenty days' time.

Eressondo went then back to Amárië to bid her farewell before he left for the eastern shores. Amárië did not try to dissuade him, nor did she speak against his decision, for she knew well that he was unbending as both she and his father, and he would no sooner forsake his voyage than she would join him. Instead she went silently to the strong wooden chest beside her bed, which contained the few small things of gold and silver she owned. These she took and gave to her son, saying: "Such tokens as these will be needed when thy ship reaches the lands of thy father. The Noldor care above all for treasures and things they have made, and will measure thy worth in gold sooner than they will take thee for a friend by thine own right."

Eressondo nodded, thinking on his friend Ambarillo's golden pendant, and said: "That have I already learned of them."

Then Amárië took also from the chest a rich robe of pale green satin, decorated around the arms with silver beads in patterns of the sun and moon, and with the robe came a soft tunic of dark green, which was covered allover with tiny beads of the same dark green that flowed and wound as vines and leaves across the fabric. These too she gave to Eressondo, and said: "This was the best raiment of thy grandfather, that he wore on the day he wed thy grandmother, and that I took and beaded and saved to give thee for thy wedding day. But as thou will soon leave for the Eastern Lands I will give it thee now, that thou might wear it and walk as glorious and bright as any Noldorin prince.

"For this is my advice to thee: admit never that thou art the son of a commoner. The Noldor prize kinship as well as they do treasures, and if thou be the son of a lord they will love thee, but if thou be the grandson of a papercrafter they will hold thee in little worth, and have thee as never more than a soldier to die in their war against Melkor. Therefore thou must wear this robe and this tunic at thy meeting with any Noldorin king, and carry with thee thine adornments of gold and silver, and say to them that thou art a lord of the Vanyar come to the free lands out of friendship to the Noldolië. If they question thy reason, say that thy mother was a Noldo who chose to remain with thy father in Valinórë, though thy heart is turned instead to the valiant deeds of her people. And this they will accept, for they are overproud and will believe the words of any whose speech, no matter how strange or unlikely, serves to glorify their own cause."

She stood then, and he too, pulling the robe around him over his plain linen clothing. Amárië took up a coil of gold to place as a circlet on his brow, and then though he was yet young he did indeed appear as a lord of his people, tall and noble and fair so that Amárië saw in him plainly the likeness of his father, now a king across the sea.

"Remember my counsel to thee," she said, and kissed his hand. And as a final parting gift she placed in his hand the golden ring of Findaráto that he had given her so many years before on the night they were wed. She spoke to her son: "Keep with thee always this ring, for it is dearest to me of all my treasures. But I would have thee take it now; it will serve thee better on thy quest than it would me remaining here." Eressondo took the ring from her, and wore it ever after on a chain around his neck, but beneath his clothing so that it remained unseen.

Then he departed swiftly, going quickly back to Tirion with his few precious things from Amárië safely packed and secret among his common belongings. Ambarillo waited for him there, and the two went together to the shore south of Alqualondë where the ship of the Noldor stood ready.


The ship was dark, made not of the white wood of the Telerin ships but of less lovely yellow planks that were then scorched black and hardened by fire and heat in the craft of the Noldor, and bolted and banded with iron. It was neither beautiful as the swan ships of Alqualondë, nor as graceful, but it was made well and solid and would serve for its purpose. Two and thirty Elves had gathered to the ship to make their voyage out of Aman; among these stood Eressondo and Ambarillo, near Kirakáno the captain. It was he who was first on board, and first off, while Eressondo and Ambarillo were ever last, being young and strangers to the ways of the ship builders.

The days at sea were harsh to all, for the crossing was long and none had before attempted such a journey. Food grew scarce ere they reached the eastern shores, and water too, and many cursed the terrible waves and wished to be safely home again in Tirion. But at last they landed upon the rocky beaches south of Vinyamar; the voyage had been sound, and none had perished. Then the company parted, for each had his own errand now that they had come to Middle-earth.

Some went therefore to Turukáno at Vinyamar, and some to Findaráto in Minostirno, and yet others sought for the Sons of Fëanáro in the lands further east.  But Kirakáno, finding himself now hard pressed to stray too far from the sea, took their ship and went to the Falas to dwell among the mariners of the Teleri, and some went with him. Ambarillo went north to Ehtelë Sirion to find his brother among the legions of Nolofinwë, and Eressondo followed him; these two alone sought for the High King, coming to him at Mindon Ehtelë after a journey long and hard along the mountain borders of Hísilómë.

When they stood before Nolofinwë, who was called by the Sindar Fingolfin, Eressondo arrayed himself in the rich green clothing of his grandfather beaded by Amárië, and wore the gold coil as his circlet. Then he spoke fairly to Nolofinwë, telling that he was a lord of Aman come to dwell with the free people of his mother's kin in Middle-earth, in the words Amárië had told him. And despite his youth, he stood tall and noble so that all, and Nolofinwë not least, were in awe of his bearing. Thus Nolofinwë took him as a retainer to his private household, allowing him the full respect and status given this position. But Ambarillo the king took as a soldier to fight alongside his brother against the foes out of Angamanda, so the two friends sadly parted.

Then Nolofinwë asked for the name of Eressondo, but he gave this not as Eressondo, his true name, nor his Sindarin rendering of Erethond. But he said: "Laurefindil," for Laurefindil the Golden-haired was the name he had been given by the Noldor on their ship. He was the only one of the assembly who did not have the black hair of the people of Finwë. He took the name then, and resolved to keep it as long as he remained in Middle-earth.

"Laurefindil," Fingolfin repeated, and behind him, another of the Elves said the name again, in its Sindarin form.

"Glorfindel."