Home for the Holidays 5
By Elladan son of Elrond
February 2nd
Unable to stand my home life, I spent the weekend with Erestor. Or
at least I tried to. We went out to a movie last night only to get
back to dad's house and discover Elrohir had invited himself over.
He and dad were attempting an apple-cherry pie from the new recipe book.
As soon as we walked into the kitchen to see what was going on (I'm sure
they conspired to lure us in with the smell of pie) Elrohir went all happy
and announced that, since we were all together, we should have a family television
night. This of course appealed to Arwen, who is into all that dumb family
stuff, and dad, who complains that he never sees us enough when we are around
but then makes no effort to visit when we aren't.
So Erestor and I were forced into watching two hours of bad sitcoms
on cable. We tried ignoring the telly and my strange family for a while,
but that only resulted in dad making disapproving noises and turning the lights
on really bright and Elrohir saying, in a parental-type voice, "Elladan, this
is supposed to be *family* night." They all looked very self-righteous
in a Readers Digest sort of way. Arwen was seated on the floor while
Elrohir, cuddled up with dad, plaited her hair.
After a while Erestor got up, saying he was going to the bathroom, but he
never came back. I tried the same thing but dad was too smart to fall
for it. It was an hour and a half of made-for-telly crappiness before
Erestor and I were reunited. And we actually had about eight hours alone
together (a new record, I'm sure) before we were interrupted by dad pretending
he needed to talk to Erestor about something that probably didn't exist.
At that point we gave up on quality time and Erestor simply drove me home.
At home, Glorfindel was sitting on the sofa wearing a bathrobe and eating
noodles. He looked rather on-edge. Aralindë was bringing
him tea on a tray. I asked what he did to warrant this sort of royal
treatment, and Aralindë explained that he cut his hand on the serrated
metal part of the Glad Cling-Wrap box while trying to cover a bowl of lima
beans, and he needed special care. While helping him drink the tea she
accidentally spilled some down his bathrobe. He yelled at her, she
started crying, and right then I felt a headache coming on.
Even though it was only half two, I already knew that the rest of the day
just wasn’t going to be worth staying up for. So I went to sleep, and
woke up a while later. The first thing I saw was Elrohir sitting in
the middle of the floor playing Spider Solitaire on my computer, wearing a
pink tee-shirt that said "Playful Pussy". I went back to sleep.
I woke up again some time later to Elrohir poking me and saying something
about a groundhog seeing its shadow. I didn't want to even think about
what that meant, so I went back to sleep. This has officially been the
worst Sunday I can remember in a long time.
Relative level of insanity: 84%
Cause of insanity: Elrohir 60%, other family 25%, Glorfindel 15%
February 3rd
When I woke up this morning, it was to the noise of Aralindë whining
that she didn't want to go to school and Glorfindel demanding that she give
him back his car keys. As a result, I didn't feel inclined toward getting
out of bed. So I didn't, except once to cross the room to the bucket-and-pulley
setup and have Elrohir pass me up some Pop Tarts and lemonade, and then twice
to go to the biff. It worked out alright. I didn't really miss
the outside world at all. I may try the same thing tomorrow on an ongoing
experimental basis.
Relative level of insanity: 75%
Cause of insanity: Glorfindel 80%, inescapable bodily functions 20%
February 4th
I had to get out of bed today. Elrohir decided he wanted to join me,
and he kept squirming and wiggling and clinging to my arm and getting his
hands tangled in my hair. It just wasn't worth the hassle. So
I went downstairs hoping to spend the day on the sofa watching television,
but Glorfindel was seated at the coffee table trying to work out something
on graph paper. I asked him what he was doing and he said that, given
local mill rates and assessed land values we were paying approximately 13.8%
too much for our rent. I think he misses being an accountant.
I asked if he did, but he just looked down at the his calculations and muttered
something about T3 forms.
Then I asked why he quit his job. He said the idea came to him one
day when he was sitting in the lunch room. Lindir asked him how long
he'd been an accountant, and he had to work it out on his adding machine.
Over 6800 years! It was then he realised he didn't even want to be an
accountant in the first place and he'd wasted most of his life stuck behind
graph paper, adding machines and, in recent years, spreadsheet software.
He has scars on his fingers from centuries of paper cuts.
I decided that it might be best to simply leave the house altogether and
go for a walk, so I walked all the way downtown for lunch. By the time
I got back, Aralindë was home from school, Elrohir was out of bed, and
Glorfindel was on some long rant about clothes. He has made the stunning
observation that male fashion is boring; all we ever wear is either jeans
and tee-shirts or pleated trousers and button-up shirts, occasionally with
suit jackets, while girls get all sorts of fun things like long skirts, short
skirts, tight jeans, stretchy shirts, blouses, dresses, and so forth, in a
multitude of colours.
I think he might be right on this. Looking around, it was easy to
notice that Aralindë's plaid skirt over fishnets with a tight sparkly
shirt and jean jacket was far more interesting that Glorfindel's grey rayon
trousers and red button-up shirt or my black jeans with black tee-shirt.
Actually Elrohir might have been more interesting since he was sitting on
the sofa wearing blue underoos and a race-car blanket, but that doesn't really
count.
Aralindë asked Glorfindel what sort of clothes he'd rather have, and
he got out an old National Geographic and pointed to a photograph of Elves
on the streets of Valmar. To me it looked like they were wearing pyjamas,
but I didn't say anything. Aralindë said she could make something
like that, and Glorfindel eyed her suspiciously until she explained that the
one class in which she actually did well was home economics. They're
going to the fabric shop tomorrow to get materials for Glorfindel's Vanyarin
clothes. Elrohir asked Aralindë if she could make him a monkey
costume. She said she'd think about it.
Relative level of insanity: 51%
Cause of insanity: Elrohir 35%, cat pee on jacket 65%
February 5th
I had to get out of bed before eight today. Elrohir kept attacking
me. I really think I need to get him a scratching post or something.
We all ended up going to the fabric shop. Elrohir wanted to go to
try and get fabric for his monkey costume and I decided to go because there
was nothing better to do, so we piled into Glorfindel's car and went to collect
Aralindë from school. Then we headed to Festive Fabric.
The shop was full of grandmotherly types buying patches for quilts and young
mothers hauling around yelling children. Aralindë and Glorfindel
immediately wandered off to look at patterns, leaving Elrohir and me alone
and confused in the fleece section. Elrohir found some fleece with neon
monkeys on it that he thought would be good for his monkey costume.
I tried to explain that a monkey costume would probably be better just made
out of plain brown fleece since monkeys are plain brown and not printed with
neon images of themselves, but he didn't seem to understand that.
It took Glorfindel two hours to pick out a pattern he liked, find suitable
fabric, and pay for it. I'm sure he would have taken longer, but the
shop was closing. In that time Elrohir managed to knock over a table
of flannelette, lose his wallet in a button bin, get a separating zipper caught
in his hair, and unroll an entire bolt of vinyl into a pile on the floor.
The shop manager eventually had to make him stand outside. He never
did get fabric for his monkey costume, though he did steal a scrap out of
the dustbin to make a vest for the iguana.
Relative level of insanity: 58%
Cause of insanity: Elrohir 100%
February 6th
When Elrohir and I were younger and had to share a room on occasion, he
would frequently keep me awake all night talking or playing stupid little
games. He seems to have reverted back to that level. He was up
for a good hour last night getting me to help him list off all the edible
plants of the world, starting off with the easy ones like carrots and apples
and moving along to strange things like sphagnum moss, which I would argue
isn't edible at all. I tried to pretend to be asleep more than once
but he kept going. At one point he was silent for a good twenty minutes
and I though he was finished, but then he quickly stood up, poked me, and
said in a triumphant voice, "Hey Elladan! *Dillweed*!"
Everything just went downhill from there. I got little sleep, and
in the morning Glorfindel started worrying about his mum again while simultaneously
complaining that the Miruvor in our fridge tastes suspiciously like McCain
peach punch concentrate mixed with cooking brandy and Incrediberry Kool-Aid.
Then Elrohir kept walking in on me while I was trying to have a bath and then
leaving the door open. Really, the only good thing that happened all
day was that Aralindë stayed late after school in the home ec lab to
work on Glorfindel's new outfit, so I didn't have to put up with her until
seven. But then when she came home she started a fight by accusing Glorfindel
of stealing her Nivea cream. The fighting I can handle- it's the apology
smooching that really makes me want to kick something.
Relative level of insanity: 90%
Cause of Insanity: Elrohir 51%, Glorfindel & Aralindë 49%
February 7th
Elrohir disappeared today. He was gone when I got up and wasn't around
all day. But then he randomly appeared again in time for supper, so
I suppose there's really nothing to worry about.
But without Elrohir to distract me all day, I was forced to pay more attention
than usual to Glorfindel, and he was being crazy. The cut on his hand
from the Glad Cling Wrap box had gone nasty since he tried to disinfect it
with tonic water, so he was leaning over the sink attempting to perform some
sort of fixing operation with one of Aralindë's sewing pins and a bottle
of hydrogen peroxide. I instinctively knew this wasn't the brightest
thing to be doing, and I offered to drive him to the walk-in mediclinic, but
he refused. This is what they did back during the First World War, he
said.
I was certain that Glorfindel hadn't actually been *in* the war, so I asked
him about it. He pshawed me and said that he'd seen action at Angband
back in the day. Still suspicious, I rang Erestor. He confirmed
that Glorfindel had indeed seen action at Angband, but he had only seen it,
not participated. Glorfindel's war experience, according to Erestor,
involved showing up with a government convoy to take inventory, getting sick
at the sights and smells, meeting Maedhros, and throwing up on his boot.
I asked Erestor if this was reliable information. Erestor said yes,
he heard it from Gil-galad who heard it from Círdan who heard it from
Finrod who heard it from Turgon who heard it from Fingon who was right there
when it happened.
When I asked Glorfindel he denied everything. He was still standing
at the sink, poking himself with the pin and cursing Glad boxes everywhere.
I can't really imagine him throwing up on a General, but then I also can't
imagine him actually doing anything useful in a war. So I'm not sure
what to believe.
Relative level of Insanity: 50%
Cause of Insanity: Glorfindel 40%, Erestor 40%, Elrohir 20%
February 8th
No sign of Elrohir all of today either. I wonder what he's up to?
He could be out partying it up with Aragorn's friends again, hurling himself
off the flatbed of a fast-moving half-ton onto a pile of flaming two-by-fours
propped up against a wheelie bin for all I know. He did that a few years
ago and had Halbarad make a videotape.
I tried to spend more time with Glorfindel, since Aralindë was at the
school working on his Vanya costume. He was eating a box of brandy beans
and watching reruns of That Second Age Show on channel eight. I attempted
a conversation and suggest we do something, even go to the park and feed
the ducks, but he kept shushing me. So I gave up and rang Erestor.
He wasn't home. Dad was home, but he was busy rearranging the living
room furniture with Arwen. Nobody in this stupid city ever wants to
do anything!
Relative level of insanity: 76%
Cause of insanity: Everybody who isn't me 100%
February 9th
I talked to grandpa for a while today. Very simple things amuse grandpa.
He's content to just put a bean in a pot and grow a begonia. In fact,
he told me all about his new begonias, which are just starting to sprout.
I let him talk for twenty minutes. I had nothing better to do.
Next I talked to grandma. She asked me how my love life was going.
I said it was excellent. She didn't seem to catch the sarcasm.
Then she said she sent Elrohir and me Melevellar gifts in the post that should
be arriving any day now. I sincerely hope it's regular little chocolate
hearts and candies, and not something that I will have to hide.
I also rang Erestor, but he had gone to the Legion with dad to drink.
I wonder if he realises that he's actually supposed to make an effort to talk
to me sometimes?
Relative level of insanity: 60%
Cause of insanity: Overwhelming boredom 70%, Erestor 30%
February 10th
Glorfindel insisted I come shopping with him today. We went to a girly
underthings shop. Glorfindel explained that he needed to find a Melevellar
gift for Aralindë and required the expert advice of Erestor and me.
Really, he couldn't have picked worse shopping companions. I don't know
the first thing about girl panties and Erestor just has lamentable fashion
tastes all around. He still wears shoes with tassels. Also he
was upset at having been dragged out of work, so was even less help than usual.
But Glorfindel never does anything that makes sense or seems reasonable.
I ought to have learned by now not to question or even think about his eccentricities.
I'll just have to start smiling and nodding.
The first thing the shop assistant (her nametag read "Annis") asked was
what we were looking for. Glorfindel didn't really know. Something
sexy for his girlfriend, he said. Annis said she could recommend a few
things, and asked what size. Glorfindel didn't know that either.
He said smallish and made a vaguely Aralindë-shaped gesture with his
hands. Then he picked up a lacy red bra with feathery bits and
said he liked it. Annis told him that bras come in a whole variety of
sizes and really should be picked out to fit properly by the person who is
going to wear them. Glorfindel frowned and asked why they didn't just
have any that came in small, medium, and large. At about this point
Erestor had wandered away to look at the bath robes. I wanted to join
him but Glorfindel was standing firmly in the way.
I could tell that Annis was getting a bit frustrated explaining to Glorfindel
that bras aren't something one can really buy on a whim- they have to be tried
on so they fit right. Glorfindel said, "Well it's not like she's going
to be *wearing* it for very long so it doesn't *have* to fit perfectly!"
I think this was the wrong thing to say, since Annis seemed to be a bit of
a feminist. She narrowed her eyes and said that bras are meant to be
comfortable, not to be gawked at by sexist males. Glorfindel rubbed
his forehead, tried to calm down, and quietly explained that his girlfriend
was in high school, and what bra size to high school girls usually buy?
I think this was an even worse thing to say, because Annis gave him a look
that made it clear she thought him a dangerous perverted paedophile who should
be locked away forever (which is about halfway right). She snapped,
"I don't think we have anything for you here," and turned her back.
We left after that and went to the sex shop a few blocks away. Glorfindel
purchased a pink vinyl bra with zippers in odd places, size small. It
looks about right to me, but I don't think Aralindë's bosom is quite
that large. She may have to fill it out with Kleenex.
Relative level of insanity: 50%
Cause of insanity: Girly underthings 100%
February 11th
Elrohir is being odd lately. I mean, apart from the usual oddness
like showing up in my bed unexpectedly and wearing a home-made tee-shirt
that says "Elrohir's School of Awesomeness", which comes to be part of everyday
life when dealing with Elrohir. This time it's odd as in never being
home during daylight hours. I'm starting to worry, and I just know he's
up to something. And Glorfindel's up to something too. Now that
Aralindë's finished his Vanya costume, he's taken it upon himself to
teach her the goings-on of his religion. It's complicated and involves
too many words that I can't pronounce, so I've stopped paying attention.
But just the way he talks about it makes me suspect that the Vanyar are secretly
controlling the world, possibly through a mass marketing scheme of blond hair
dyes that don't work.
I was going to ring dad and tell him that Elrohir's been disappearing on
a regular basis, but then I stopped myself when I couldn't figure out what
"regular basis" meant. Does five days in a row count? How many
days make up a "regular basis" anyhow?
Relative level of insanity: 40%
Cause of insanity: Perplexing schemes 70%, peculiar idioms 30%
February 12th
It all started off with a strange telephone conversation with Ardlor today.
He claimed to be downtown working on a new movie. I've not talked to
him in months, so he must've been really bored on the set to think of contacting
me. But still I had nothing better to do so I went down to see him.
He was sitting on a lawn chair on the pavement beside a trailer that had his
name on the door, though I almost didn't recognise him because his hair was
blond. A girl with a long pigtail was handing him a Fanta.
To paraphrase his very long explanation, some wacko director from Mirkwood
is dong a made-for-telly movie about Ingwë, and Ardlor is starring.
It's a disaster so far. The second AD was fired this morning, and there
simply aren't enough blond extras around to fill the entire palace set with
adoring onlookers. Just as he said that an ornery-looking Elf came over
and started ranting that he had just had a fight with someone named Gilistui
over wardrobe issues and now they didn't have a Fëanor.
The ornery one turned out to be Maethor, the director, which I learned when
he turned to me with manic eyes and said, "You! You can act! You're
my new Fëanor!" I calmly said that no, I can't act, and no, I'm
not his new Fëanor, but then I wished I hadn't said that because it
set him off on some sort of wild rage. He screamed that I'd been harassing
him for the past week about getting a bit part and there's no way he'd let
me escape now that he was desperate. The whole scene really made no
sense whatsoever until I saw Elrohir walk up a few feet away, wearing an
orange traffic control vest and informing passing motorists that they can't
come in this way.
I can't accurately say what exactly happened next, but somehow, after all
the artistic temperamental screaming ended, I wound up in the orange vest
and Elrohir got his name stuck on a trailer door. I think I'm a locations
PA, even though I'm not sure what that is. I hope it only involves telling
cars they can't drive where I'm standing. Right now I'm not really
coherent enough to manage anything more than that.
Relative level of insanity: too frazzled to tell
Cause of Insanity: Maethor (in particular his eyes and voice ) 100%
February 13th
I had to get up at 6 this morning to be on location by 7-30. And I
don't even want to work on this stupid movie! I went to ask Glorfindel
if he was interested in taking my place, but he wasn't in his usual spot on
the sofa. The telly was on without him though, which was strange.
The entire day was spent walking around outside in the rain, wearing that
stupid orange vest, while Elrohir sat in his trailer and went over the script.
He didn't even have to do anything, since they don't start shooting his scenes
until tomorrow! And I didn't get to see anyone famous while standing
around getting wet and waving at cars. Not even Ardlor. He was
inside on the set all day being dry and comfortable in his Ingwë costume.
The rain stopped around eight, which was conveniently just as we were wrapping
for the day. By the time I got home it was quarter past nine, and I
was just about to flop over onto the sofa and die of exhaustion when Elrohir
bounced in, followed by Maethor. They were doing some sort of impromptu
Fëanor audition by way of watching the old tape of Elrohir's performance
as Maeglin in our high school "Fall of Gondolin" production. Maethor
sat just where I was going to flop, asked me to get him a drink, and proceeded
to watch Elrohir's crappy video with unbridled adoration. "Brilliant!"
he said. "Fantastic!" Elrohir grinned stupidly. Maethor
was about to get on his mobile to ring the script supervisor to tell her to
increase Fëanor's role when Glorfindel came downstairs.
Glorfindel was wearing his gold satin pyjama shorts and a matching shirt,
unbuttoned. Maethor took one look at his golden splendour and squealed,
"You! You're perfect!" Glorfindel warily asked what for.
Maethor explained the whole stupid Ingwë movie with great enthusiasm.
Glorfindel looked disappointed and said he didn't want anything to do with
it. I think he was hoping for a role in a porno. Maethor looked
crushed. The only actual Vanya in town snubbed his crummy movie-of-the-week.
Which is probably for the best, since I was reading over a bit of Elrohir's
script and it's even worse than that movie about Aegnor somebody was making
here last year. I'd be embarrassed to be associated with it if I were
Glorfindel. Actually, I'm embarrassed that I'm associated with it, and
I'm only a locations PA.
After some pleading, Glorfindel reluctantly agreed to go down to the location
tomorrow and have a look around to make sure things are sufficiently Vanyarish.
I am suddenly worried that this movie will turn out to be more horrible than
it already is. With Glorfindel in charge of quality control, there's
bound to be far more female nudity and hedonistic drug use than is really
necessary for a story about a revered religious figure.
Relative level of insanity: too tired to tell
Cause of insanity: probably this dumb Ingwë movie.
February 14th (Melevellar)
The telly was on again this morning when I got up. I think it might
be haunted.
Glorfindel never showed up on set today, and Maethor was furious.
Someone who isn't me should try to explain to him that Glorfindel is highly
unreliable and will only do things that appeal to him, and today being Melevellar,
it's a given that he's going to spend the day being intimate with Aralindë.
So they had to shoot some big party scene without his expertise. I didn't
see any of it, but Elrohir claims he got to yell. I was standing out
in the alley in a puddle of muddy water at the time, up to my knees, holding
up an extension cord so that it didn't get wet and electrocute me.
Needless to say I was in no mood for Melevellar festivities when we got
home, but Elrohir insisted on making me supper with candles and wine and
everything. He really needs a girlfriend- I am a poor substitute, and
not very enthusiastic. But still he made a whole supper with chicken
from a tin, instant mashed potatoes, frozen veggies, and (for some reason)
Nutella. We ate surrounded by tea lights, and drank bad wine from Liquor
World. Elrohir told me all about how much he loves being Fëanor.
His favourite part is the costume with the fake Silmarils. His second
favourite part is being able to yell a lot and get paid for it.
After supper we opened the presents from Grandma. It was just as I
feared. She sent Elrohir a tub of hot pink liquid latex (for "fun sexy
paint-on clothing!" as the package proclaims), a set of glittery blue handcuffs,
and a chocolate bum on a stick. He squealed in delight and immediately
ran off to write a thank-you email. I received a red lace thong, cherry-flavoured
lube, and a bag of macaroni shaped like unmentionable body parts. I
couldn't think of anything decent to say in a thank-you email, so I told Elrohir
to sign his email from both of us. I did email Erestor though, and
told him to come by some time soon for consumer product testing.
Relative level of insanity: 40%
Cause of insanity: shamelessly hypersexual grandmother 100%
February 15th
The telly was on this morning too, and I know Glorfindel didn't turn it
on because he didn't even come home last night. This is getting strange.
Elrohir wore my new thong to work today, explaining that he needed small
underwear to avoid panty lines in his Fëanor kit. I sincerely
hope it turns into one of those articles of clothing he never gives back.
Glorfindel actually showed up on set today, though, while I was busy crawling
around behind some dirty old crates looking for an electrical outlet.
Aralindë was with him. She wanted a job as an extra. Maethor
took one look at her blonde hair and asked if she had any acting experience.
She said yes, she was Yavanna in her school Fiommereth concert. Maethor
must've though that was good enough, because he gave her a role as "adoring
girl #2". She has one line, which she rehearsed with Ardlor while Glorfindel
was wandering around inspecting the sets.
Shooting actually wrapped early today, at four, and call isn't until noon
tomorrow. To celebrate having more than 12 hours off, Elrohir and I
rented a movie, The Ring. I thought it was going to be about Sauron,
but it was much, much worse. Elrohir laughed at me for being scared,
but then when the telly turned itself on while we were sitting on the sofa
half an hour after the movie ended he screamed louder than I did.
Glorfindel came running downstairs to see what all the screaming was about
(he thought we were being murdered), saw the television, and said, "Oh, sorry,
I forgot I had this thing on timer." He had it set to turn itself on
at midnight! I asked why, but he only mumbled something incoherent and
went back to bed. I was just about to tell myself that Glorfindel is
even stranger than Elrohir when Elrohir asked me if I though mermaids are
afraid of crabs the way that people are afraid of spiders. At that I
reconsidered and confirmed that no, Elrohir is definitely stranger.
Relative level of insanity: I don’t even care any more.
February 16th
Maethor has convinced Glorfindel to be in the movie, playing the role of
Finarfin. He has no lines and no action. Really, all he has to
do is wear some fancy outfit and stand beside Fingolfin in the Darkening of
Valinor scene and look scared and worried. That shouldn't be too difficult,
because Glorfindel is terrified of the camera. He naturally looks scared
and worried.
Maethor has also asked Glorfindel to find him some songs for the extras
to sing in the festival scene. So Glorfindel and Elrohir were in the
trailer most of the day coming up with traditional Vanyarin folk songs, some
of which date all the way back to early this afternoon. At first I
was a bit worried that Maethor was taking advantage of Glorfindel, but now
I'm convinced that he'll be getting what he deserves.
February 17th
The 3rd AD fired me from the movie today. She said I'm too much of
a distraction because I look exactly like Elrohir and keep putting the wardrobe
and makeup people into a panic when they see me walking around out of costume
ten minutes before a scene is supposed to roll. Not that I mind being
fired. Actually, I'm sort of glad. I didn't want to work on the
movie in the first place, really. And now I can spend more time doing
things that I want to do. Like checking my email.
I found one from Legolas, from yesterday:
-----
From: *Legolas* <legolas3000@royals.mk>
Subject: On our way!!! :)
Hi Elladan!
We're leaving lorien today in boats! That's soooo kewl!
I don't go out in boats much because my dad is afraid
of themand we don't have any boats at home. I had a
plastic dingy once but it got a hole in it form the
driveway and my dad couldn't even fix it with a dingy
fixing kit from the gas station. It was for going in
the pool only though with plastic paddles. I tried to
use as a tent at the beach once but it fell on me and
made the dog afraid and the dog did step on my foot
with it's long claws! It was a black dog and very
heavy.
These are motor boats and Boromir says the motors are
very loud. They are supposed to be fore fishing and
Boromir says they probably smell like fish and have
spiders in them. But that's okay because Im going in a
boat with Gimli and he does eat spiders sometimes, I saw
him once! It was a small brown spider that was small
and with a white spot and had little eyes.
Aragorn says he will phone you when the ring is dead!
Bye!
***LEGOLAS***
-----
Reading Legolas' emails always makes me wonder if he really thinks in sentences
like that or if it just accidentally comes out this way when he's writing?
He sort of talks like that too, so I'm curious.
Continued in Part Six
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