Tomorrow 1

By Georgia


"Elladan, he's going to ask us; you know he will." Elrohir spoke softly to his brother. He didn't want to trouble his beloved, but this needed to be said. They both knew that this choice was to come, although they never spoke of it. They didn't want to shatter the bearable allusion of eternal peace that they had worked so hard to build. Yet here they were so close to the end, and Elladan could not save him. His brother, his lover who had always protected him through their darkest of days, could do nothing but sit in a stony silence not even daring to meet his twin's gaze.

Elrohir swallowed and gathered his thoughts. He knew that this might well be the last chance they had to talk about it. He did not know when Adar would ask them to make their decisions. It could be any moment now. His brother had always helped him. But it was not enough. No noble game of his brother's could even begin to serve now he must try to do the same for Elladan. "Adar would have us come with him away from Middle-Earth."

He noted how his twin stiffened at the mentioning of their father. To Elladan he was merely Elrond, while to Elrohir, despite everything, he would always still be Adar. "We could you know," he stammered. "Go I mean." This wasn't coming out the way he had hoped. All the eloquent words he had fathomed in his brain were lost as he looked upon the only one on the face of Arda who he knew truly loved him. Words were Elladan's expertise, not his. Yet another reason to adore and worship his lover.
Still Elladan sat stock still, not even looking at him as he fumbled and faltered. Somehow he managed to keep up his façade of indifference even at the brink of the storm. And with that thought he was lost and emotion flooded over him. His eyes filled with tears that began to run down his face. "Oh Elladan," he sobbed bitterly, "I will go where you go. You know this. I cannot leave you." After that he broke off. He was sobbing too hard to speak. There was everything left to be said; yet there was also nothing.

Still Elladan sat silent and cold, even as the one he had pledged his life to wept bitterly in distress. He made no sign of acknowledgement that he even knew that his brother was there. Elrohir in his despair wanted to grab him and push him up the wall until he was forced to take note of him. He wanted to kiss his brother more passionately than they had ever kissed. He wanted to tease Elladan until he was begging. He wanted them to have just one more time where nothing else mattered but them, before it all went away. But Elrohir could do none of those things; he could only stare silently at the one he loved who was mercilessly shunning him in his moment of need. He needed to be comforted; someone had to tell him it would be alright. Elladan had always done that, but not now. Now Elladan did nothing. He couldn't take the idea of them drifting apart. He couldn't bear to look at his love. So he fled. He didn't know where he was going, but he flew from the room as fast as his elfin limbs could carry him. He just had to get away before his worst nightmares began to come true.

Elladan, though he sat silently and unmoving almost as if he hadn't taken note of his brothers outburst, had been well aware of it all. He was being torn apart inside. For centuries now he had protected his brother from everything. He had loved him, cherished him, and thought only of him every moment since that fateful evening so many years ago. They had gotten through so much together, but now in the greatest hour of need that they had ever had or likely ever would have, he knew of no way to console his brother. He could not even console himself. He had known this day would come ever since the beginning and he had tried to prepare for it over the centuries. Yet, now that it was happening he was at a loss for what to do.

Minutes passed before he finally rose from the edge of their bed where he had been sitting and stiffly walked over to the window. Arda was changing; there was no doubt about that. He would go with it to his death whether he truly wished it or not. There was no doubt of that either. Even for love of his brother he could not change that. "But Elrohir must go," he whispered aloud to himself as if saying so would strengthen his resolve. "He cannot die just for love of me. I will lose him either way. I would rather lose him to Aman." Yet in his heart Elladan knew this was not really true. The noble part of him wanted his brother to go with Elrond and live forever. Yet the rest of him knew that he could not live even a single mortal life without his brother, and he wanted him to stay in Middle Earth with him. "No!" he nearly shouted. "I cannot think this. He must go; my brother must live!" He could say no more, even though no one was listening to him. The feelings and emotions were too much for him now. There was no choice for him, but for his brother there was. And he would not see his only love make the wrong choice.

Little did Elladan know that someone was listening outside his door, someone who knew better than anyone else the truth about what was really going on in Imladris. Erestor had heard Elrohir running while he was sifting through old documents in preparation for the coming trip to the Havens. Sensing that trouble had just been stirred up between the brothers, he had headed to their chambers to try to speak with Elladan. Hardly anyone could actually talk to Elladan as of late. Of all the grief and turmoil that Erestor had seen in these last days, Elladan had taken the worst of it. It was for Elrond's eldest son that he feared the most. He had stopped outside Elladan and Elrohir's chamber door contemplating whether to knock and go in or just to let things be when he had heard Elladan thinking aloud.

So it was true. Elladan really would let his brother go with their father. While that was comforting to know, Erestor knew that that didn't really change anything in the entire situation. Elrohir would almost certainly choose to stay with his lover above the wishes of that lover, his father, and even the Valar themselves if it came down to it. The leaving of the elves was not going to be a simple thing for any of them.

Erestor headed back to his study contemplating what he had just heard. Though the shadow of Sauron had recently left Arda forever, another shadow had lately fallen upon Imladris. Though the seed of this shadow had been planted many years before, it wasn't until now that the turmoil of the House of Elrond was coming to a point.

He was so lost in thought that he nearly ran right into his friend, Glorfindel, who was striding down the corridor. Glorfindel reached out and stopped him before they collided. "Really Erestor, for the one who sees everything, you certainly are blind," the blond haired seneschal tried to joke.

Erestor just ignored the comment, for they both knew that this was no time to joke. "How is Elrond?" he asked.

Despite the comforts of his ever-attentive blond lover, it was no secret that the elven lord was nearly overcome with grief as of late. The loss of his precious daughter and the forthcoming loss of the land that he had sacrificed so much to save would be enough to send any elf into a state of severe melancholy. Combined with the possibility of losing his sons to the human fate as well, Elrond was in a sad state indeed. This was the time that the elf lord was needed the most by his kin as they prepared to depart from Middle Earth, yet there was reason to fear for his life. The pain was becoming too much, and nothing Glorfindel could do seemed to be able to stop it.

"He's the same as he always is," Glorfindel replied wistfully. "He hardly eats; he hardly sleeps, he hardly talks. He just is." The balrog slayer's eyes suddenly filled with tears as he thought of his lover's diminished state. He feared that he might loose him to Mandos, and he felt powerless to stop it. He who had slain a balrog to save the royal family of Gondolin in his former life was helpless to ease the pain of the one dear to his heart.

Seeing his friend's pain, Erestor reached out and drew Glorfindel to him in an embrace. Glorfindel, too stressed to argue, merely let himself be hugged, and soon found himself weeping on his long time friend's shoulder. He had put up a façade for so long, all of them had. But it was too much. Everything they had all worked for was being pulled out from under them. He couldn't go to Elrond for support now as he had for centuries.

"Shh," Erestor soothed as he lightly stroked his friends blond head. "Everything will be alright." He tried to sound confident, but the doubted he sounded at all convincing. They stood there for several minutes, embracing in the hallway, oblivious that someone might see them, only trying to escape reality for just a few moments.

Then without warning Glorfindel turned his face upward keeping his chin rested on Erestor's shoulder and looked into his eyes. "You are so good to us, Erestor," he said sadly. "You have taken care of all of us over all these years, and even now you still choose to help us when you could easily go to Rúmil. Would that I had half your loyalty." He paused before continuing, "Elrond wants nothing to do with me. I can't help him." He was becoming more and more emotional as he went on, getting louder and louder regardless of who would hear. "Why can't I help him, Erestor?" All I want is to have him back." That was it; he couldn't say anything more. He could only weep on his friend's shoulder like an elfling.

Erestor was at a loss for what to do. He didn't know what to say. Glorfindel has hurting, they all were. But Elrond needed Glorfindel to be strong for him, and he had showed extraordinary devotion to his lover during this most difficult time. Yet here was the famous balrog slayer with enough valor to sacrifice his own life for his lord, pained and broken.

"No Glorfindel!" he said firmly causing the other to look up in surprise. "He needs you now more than ever. You being weak like this and doubting yourself won't do him any good." Erestor knew his words were most likely going to set his friend off, but there was nothing else to be said.

The blond was ever quick to take offense to anyone calling him weak. Glorfindel would get mad, shout at him, stalk off, and then later come to realize that what Erestor had said was right. Erestor was not chief advisor to Elrond for his eloquent speech; the lord did well enough with that on his own. Instead Erestor, regardless of how bluntly he spoke, usually had the correct answer, though that hardly stopped most of Imladris' inhabitants from getting thoroughly annoyed at times. Yet Erestor had a kind of foresight at times, not strong like Lady Galadriel's, but a foresight still the same. He could often make out what the actions of others would be, and in this case, with Glorfindel, he was absolutely correct.

This was more than Glorfindel in his current emotional state could take. What had been sadness was easily and swiftly turned to anger. Glorfindel was known for his quick temper and he could be quite whimsical at times. He jerked back forcefully from Erestor and was very tempted to give him a good punch on the nose. However he somehow managed to resist the temptation and instead spat out the first thing that came into his mind.

"What would you know of any of this, Erestor? It does not concern you. Elrond is mine and not yours, so you will have to be content with your Lothlórien whore!" he hissed at Erestor.

He knew his harsh words were untrue, but at the moment he didn't care. All he wanted was for it all to end, for things to be back as they were before all this strife had begun. Erestor had the perfect love, and Glorfindel could not stand to see it as his life with Elrond was decaying. He didn't even stay to hear his friend's retort; deep down he feared there would be none. Erestor was the only elf he knew who could take no outward notice of his tirades. This usually made him even angrier, and if he got any angrier Erestor would undoubtedly have a crooked nose till the end of Arda. And even in his enraged state he knew he would regret such a thing later, even more than he would regret these words. So he did an about face and stormed down the corridor. Just as he had suspected he heard no insolent rejoinder from Erestor as he made his way out of the last homely house.

Erestor simply stood and watched his friend go, trying to remind himself that he had suspected as much from the blond. But still Glorfindel's words had hurt him very much. Maybe it was because deep down in his heart he felt that the enraged whimsical words that the speaker would no doubt come to his senses and beg pardon for, were truer than Glorfindel suspected. It didn't really matter though. If ever he had harbored affections for Elrond it had been many centuries ago, and now he was quite happy in the loving relationship that he and Rúmil shared.

His lips couldn't help but curve into a smile at the thought of his silver haired lover. The only thing that was really keeping him going through all of this was the thought that soon the two of them would be in the undying lands together where they would live in bliss for all eternity. Rúmil had already asked for his leave from Lord Celeborn, and the former warden of Lorien would no doubt be joining him soon. Perhaps for all his loyalty to the residents of Imladris over the centuries the Valar had granted him his happiness with Rúmil as a reward. With that blissful thought pushing all the dark ones from his mind he strode back to his study to continue his task.

~

Elrohir had found himself in his favorite garden in Imladris. It had once been his mother's garden. He was ultimately at a loss for what to do. The time was coming for his kin to leave Middle Earth forever. The occupants of the Last Homely House were preparing to leave it forever. Elrohir would not miss Imladris, for it had never been a place of good memories for him. He and Elladan had gone journeying anywhere in Middle Earth they could find rather than stay here. Elladan could not bear it, and when Elladan was unhappy Elrohir was ultimately unhappy by default. It seemed his brother has the source of his life force at times. The two of them were bonded stronger than brothers, stronger than lovers. To Elrohir it seemed that they were the same being, though it was his brother who took care of them both.

Elladan had saved him, protected him from harm for centuries. Even more importantly than Elladan's devotion to him was his love. Elrohir had never had to question the fact that his brother loved him, even when they had been merely bickering elflings. When they had gone from brothers to lovers he had known immediately that Elladan was nearly consumed by the need to make him happy. It was the most beautiful feeling he had ever experienced, and he knew that as long as he had Elladan everything would be alright. But now he faced losing Elladan. One way or another it seemed that they were ultimately doomed to lose each other. For who knew of the fate of men once they died? Adar had always told his children that it was a cruel and terrible fate to die. And despite the fact that he knew in his heart that he would stay for Elladan, Elrohir was more afraid than he had ever believed he could be.

As he sat in silence among the flowers that surrounded the little pond with the statue of his mother in the center, Elrohir spotted his old tutor Glorfindel stalking out of the house. He knew that Glorfindel was his father's lover; he always had. It had bothered Elladan immensely. That had been one of the few things they had disagreed on over the centuries. Adar deserved to be happy and since Nana was gone he could see no reason why he should not take comfort in the arms of his seneschal. But Elladan had loathed the blond almost as much as he loathed their father. Although there was hardly anyone whom Elladan did not loathe. There was Erestor and his lover Rúmil, a March Warden from Lórien. Elladan had for some reason always been partial to the pair. He quickly grew tired of analyzing his brother's relations. "Oh Elladan, what a fool you are my love. What fools we both are," he said half whimsically, half despairing. With that he lay back on the grass and tried to slip into reverie.

~

Glorfindel had stalked out of the house to pace among the gardens that surrounded the last Homely House until he was back in a decent mood. If truth be told, neither Glorfindel nor most of Imladris' other inhabitants had been in a pleasant humor since their return from Estel and Arwen's wedding. There were few elves left at Imladris now, for many had already made the journey to the Havens. Now it was only the lord of the house and his family and closest companions that remained.

Glorfindel paced for some time from garden to garden thinking of his beloved Elrond and what possibly he might do to help him. He could think of naught that he had not already tried. He simply could not reach his lover through the wall of despair the Lord of Imladris had built around himself. The more he paced, the more Glorfindel realized the truth in Erestor's words. He was being weak and succumbing to the same evil that was dragging his lover into the abyss. But it seemed that there was nothing he could do about it. Without Elrond Glorfindel would never reach the Undying Lands. Instead grief would send him to Mandos' Hall for a second time, and it seemed very likely that that fate was before him.

It was while he was lost in his thoughts that Glorfindel came upon the one garden that he had taken great care to avoid. It was her garden, and looking upon the statue of the silver lady of Imladris had always filled him with guilt. Yet now he was standing at the entrance as if some unseen force had pulled him to it. He stared up at the marble columns with fair green vines wrapping intricately around them. It was undoubtedly the loveliest garden in all of Imladris, for its mistress had tended it well in her time. And even now, much to Glorfindel's surprise, it seemed just as if the lady had come out to tend it yesterday rather than centuries ago. Decay had never taken Celebrian's haven even if it had taken her. And suddenly Glorfindel understood why Elrond's youngest son loved this spot so much, despite the terrible memories it awoke in all of them. Mindless of the grief that was bound to resurface, Glorfindel cast fear aside and strode inside.

Yes, it was just as beautiful as ever, and in the center it was not the ghostly stare of the lady that caught his eye, but instead it was the troubled face of her son who lay still as death on the grass. He really was being selfish only thinking of his own troubles. Here was an elf who had lost his mother, been forced to choose between his father and his brother, and was about to have to choose between being an elf or a man. Glorfindel's heart went out to Elrohir. The seneschal had been their tutor when he and Elladan were merely elflings. Elrohir was so pure then, and still to this dark day it had not changed. Fate should never have treated him so unkindly.

Glorfindel's approach startled Elrohir out of his reverie. He slowly sat up and gave the blond Elda a weak smile. "Will you not come sit with me, friend? You look in need of rest." He beckoned his former tutor over to where he sat.

He was surprised to see Glorfindel before him. No one ever came into this garden save himself. Glorfindel was known to avoid it like Mordor itself. When he had witnessed the blond stalking from the house, he had never suspected that he might join him here in his special place. But he was happy that he had.

Glorfindel smiled at the younger elf and slowly sat down beside him. The two sat in silence for some minutes, enjoying the peacefulness that had comforted Elrohir whenever he was in Imladris. Glorfindel found himself, for once, untroubled by the memory of the lost lady who had once, and perhaps still was, the keeper of his lover's heart. In truth that was what was really weighing him down. If Elrond faded and went to Mandos before they reached the undying lands then he would lose his lover forever. But if he instead went to Aman, regardless of his pain, would he not wish to be with his loving wife again? Either way it seemed that Glorfindel's heart was bound to be broken. He would like to believe that Elrond still loved him enough to stay with him. But as of late, he was not sure of that at all.

Suddenly Elrohir brought Glorfindel back from his melancholy thoughts. "What is it like to die?" he asked with a façade of detachment that couldn't even begin to disguise the fear and indecision that was hidden behind the question.

"Well," said Glorfindel, not sure of exactly what to say. His experiences with death were not exactly of the same sort as what Elrohir would experience if he remained in Middle-Earth and became mortal. No elf knew of the fate of humankind after they passed out of Arda. "When I died it was simple really. I died in battle. When my body was consumed, my soul went to Mandos' hall."

That was really all there was to say. There was no need to tell the younger elf of the pain that was life in Mandos' Hall, all alone in darkness with nothing to do but wait. He would not wish that fate upon any elf. Sometimes Glorfindel mused that the fate of men after death could not be any worse than that of elves, and he often came to the conclusion that it was probably a lot better.

But that was not really the answer Elrohir was seeking and there was no one who could give him that answer. He must decide for himself, and in his heart he knew that he had already made the decision. But still he feared. "I wish that we had no choice to make at all," he said sadly in a barely audible whisper.

"Yes, Elrohir, I know it is hard. But you must do what your heart tells you is right," said Glorfindel trying to comfort the younger elf.

"But it seems no matter which choice I make I will hurt someone dear to me. I love Adar; I truly do. I have never shared Elladan's loathing for him. Oh how I hope he knows that. I often fear that he thinks I hate him for no apparent reason, as he thinks Elladan does."

"He knows you love him!" Glorfindel broke in. "I can assure you that he does. Don't let such worries add to your sufferings." Glorfindel had spoken with Elrond many times over the centuries about his sons, and he was telling the truth when he assured Elrohir that his father knew of his love. Elrond had always been aware that Elrohir's distance from him was caused only by his love for his brother. That simple thought had both pained and comforted the Lord for a very long time.

"I am an elf," Elrohir continued, "I have lived my entire life with no other thought than to be one of the Eldar forever. We rode amongst men many times during our lives, but I never took it to heart that I might become one of them. I knew we had a choice as the Peredhil, but I always assumed that my kin would stay in Middle-Earth forever. Then there would be no reason to choose. I always had Elladan to worry for me and Eru knows he does enough of that."

He was strikingly calm for the emotional state he had been in only minutes before. Somehow he was able to tell all this to Glorfindel as if he were merely reciting the positions of a warrior in combat as he had when he was an elfling under the seneschal's tutelage.

"To journey to Aman would mean I could continue to be an elf. I know it is what Adar would have me do; he has made that clear to me since birth. 'If ever I should leave these shores, my children shall come with me to remain of the Eldar kindred.' I believe he would wish Elladan to go as well, despite what my brother thinks and the bad terms they have been on for so many years now. To go to Aman would mean I would see my mother again. I miss her now as much as ever. But it's Elladan. He's not going to come, and nothing I can say will change his mind. He hardly talks to me anymore. I think he's afraid that I'm going to leave him. I don't think I can leave him, Glorfindel. I don't think I can." Elrohir felt his emotions rising again and he broke off. He looked into the face of the Elda and saw only compassion there, compassion and sadness.

Suddenly it hit him. "Glorfindel, what about you?" he said seriously, even though he knew his words would probably upset the blond. Everyone was so caught up in their own struggles that he doubted if anyone else had even thought of Glorfindel. "What is going to happen when you and Adar go to Aman? Mother is there and he loves you both."

Glorfindel was utterly taken aback that this elf who was going through so much turmoil himself had realized he had troubles as well. Truly Elrohir was a kind soul, never really thinking of himself. His heart went out to the younger elf then and he vowed in his own mind to do anything to keep him from harm. "I will be alright, Elrohir. It is not in our hands what is to be done. I will not blame your father for what ever choice he makes. Do not worry over me."

"But Glorfindel, no one should be alone. You should not be alone."

"Don't worry. Everything will be alright for your father and me, and for you and your brother. Everything will be just fine. You'll see." He tried to sound as convincing and optimistic as possible although he really didn't believe it at all.

"Yes," replied Elrohir. "Perhaps it will be."

~

Elladan had ridden out of Imladris alone soon after Erestor had left his door. He realized that despite the fact that Sauron was defeated it was undoubtedly still dangerous to ride out alone beyond the well-guarded borders of Imladris. However at this point Elladan didn't care. He couldn't stand the last Homely House. He hadn't been able to since mother left. So here he was galloping full speed through the forest without any thought of turning back. This was the only way to live; riding as fast as one could was the only way to escape one's troubles even for just a little while.

Suddenly he thought he could make out a camp up ahead. He was gaining fast upon it, and he knew that he should get off the path before he was seen. The camp could be anyone's, and not nearly all of the travelers at this time were peaceful with Imladris elves. But Elladan could find no path to turn off. He was gaining on the camp, and he would surely be spotted soon. He really should turn his mount around and head back, but he didn't. At least if he died today there would be no choice to make. Then Elrohir would go to Aman.

"Who is it? Is it friend or foe?" asked one of the Lórien archers to his sharp-eyed companion.

"It is undoubtedly a foe. Everyone is a foe these days. We destroyed the enemy only to have Middle Earth overrun by more fleeing evil creatures than ever before," put in a cynical third elf.

"It is an elf from Imladris. I can be sure of that much. I am wont to think that it may be one of the Peredhil twins. But one of the Peredhil twins riding without the other; that is unheard of," replied the lookout.

"Well don't just stand there!" said the third archer. "He's gaining fast. What are we to do?"

"Well we can't exactly attack him if he's the son of Lord Elrond," replied their captain.

"We certainly can't just let him take our heads off now can we?"

With that the rider swept past the guards, giving no sign of even noticing their presence. Not far behind them Rúmil had to scowl for the fifth time this very day at the incompetence of the escort to Imladris that had been afforded him. They spent far too much time debating and absolutely no time acting. He watched Elladan gallop by before shouting back at him, "Elladan, wait. Come back friend."

Elladan abruptly spun his horse around when he recognized his good friend's voice. He and Elrohir had had many dealings with the March Warden brothers from Lothlórien over the years, and Rúmil had always been one of his favorite companions. He saw the silver haired elf standing on the path waving him over. He smiled back and obliged.

"Hello friend," Rúmil said. "What brings you out alone? I would chide you and tell you should have an escort." He smirked. "However I'm sure you have noticed how much good mine does for me. Come sit with me would you, if you have nothing pressing?"

Elladan dismounted from his horse and embraced his longtime friend. "There is nothing. I was only going out for a ride to clear my thoughts, but speaking with you will undoubtedly help me more." Rúmil had always been helpful in all his troubles over the years. He and Erestor were truly perfect for each other, for they were exactly alike. Although he knew no one could save him from the melancholy struggle that currently held sway over his mind, speaking with his friend would probably offer him the most comfort that he could possibly acquire.

Rúmil then led Elladan to his tent. He sensed the trouble in Elladan, and he was worried for his friend. "Come in then. It is so good to see you again. I am on my way to Imladris myself actually, but it is good to see a familiar face before I arrive. I have been on the road from Lórien for many days now with only my escort for company. I've been rather deprived of stimulating conversation."

"You are coming to join Erestor then? No doubt you will find plenty of stimulating conversation with him," Elladan replied. He couldn't help but be jealous of his friend and his former tutor. They had the perfect relationship, and Rúmil was going to Aman to be with his lover. All the strife that he himself was facing seemed completely absent for them.

"Yes," Rúmil replied breaking into a grin at the thought of being with his lover again. "I plan to arrive in Imladris tomorrow about midday to give Erestor a nice surprise. If you see him, don't tell him you've seen me. I want to catch him completely by surprise and give him something more stimulating than my conversation."

Elladan couldn't help but snort with laughter at that, and they both laughed heartily together. No Erestor and Rúmil were not exactly alike. True, they both could help him through his troubles, but they used completely different tactics. Erestor soothed by breaching the subject and thoroughly analyzing it. Rúmil helped him by taking his mind off the subject for a time. However, nothing could take his mind off the matter at hand. But there was no doubt that Rúmil's presence was helping him all the same. He was laughing now, after all. He couldn't remember the last time he had truly laughed. It was probably before the council, before the end began. With the war and now this situation there had not been many instances when he had felt like laughing. Yet here he was laughing at a mere reference to blissful bedroom activities from a longtime friend. The experience was very uplifting to say the least.

"Support him, Elladan. He's going to need you now more than ever." Rúmil suddenly became serious.

Elladan was taken aback by that. How could Rúmil have known what was happening? He was sure his expression was giving away his confusion. It was unlike Rúmil to be so forward.

"Really Elladan, you don't think that I wouldn't know what is going on do you?" Rúmil said when he saw Elladan's expression. "I've been your friend for centuries. I know what it is you face. I do not need the Lady's gift for that. I do not even need Erestor's sight to see it."

"Am I that obvious?" replied Elladan. He had tried to hide his pain from everyone for so long. Until today when he had been so cruel to his brother he had thought he had done a fairly good job of it. But here was his friend whom he had not seen in months reading him like a book.

"No not really. You must remember whom I fraternize with, and I know you well. I know both of you well."

"What am I supposed to do then? I have searched my mind for answers, but I can find none. There is no path that will have a good end. I do not know what to do."

"Elladan, all you can do is to make your own choice. The choices of those around you are not for you to make for them."

"My own choice has been made. It is for him I fear. I would have him go to Aman. I'm not selfish, Rúmil. I want is best for him. But." he broke off.

Rúmil reached out and covered his friend's trembling hand with his own and looked into those sad gray eyes. "I know, Elladan, I know. No one will blame you for wanting to have him with you. Instead you are to be commended for having the strength to wish him to live on."

What he said was true. Rúmil could hardly believe the sacrifice it seemed Elladan was willing to make. He had never really understood why Elladan felt that he could not go to Aman, but that was beside the point. Rúmil doubted he would have the strength to send Erestor on without him. Yet here was Elladan, the one whom everyone called selfish, willing to send his true love to Aman without him rather than doom him to a life, and moreover a death, that he did not truly want. In all his years in Middle Earth Rúmil had never seen such courage.

"He's going to stay with me. He told me just today in a fit of passion that he will go where I go. I hate myself for being relieved. I hate myself for wanting him with me. It seems that nothing I do convinces him to make the journey. I fear it is only because I do not really wish it. I cannot bear to think that I condemn him to death."

"No Elladan that is where you are mistaken. You cannot make his choice for him and neither can he make yours."

They sat in silence for a time before Elladan said, "You are too good to me, Rúmil. What have I done to deserve a friend as good as you?"

"Don't forget my friend that you have done the same for me in the past. Now go to him! Go and tell him you love him. Go now for it is getting dark."

They got up and embraced again before they headed out to Elladan's horse.

"Thank you friend, you have been very kind," Elladan said in parting before he headed on his way.

~

Glorfindel had left the garden feeling much better. He knew he should apologize to Erestor, but right now he needed to see Elrond. Undoubtedly the encounter would only depress him, they always did now. His lover hardly made any response to him anymore. For centuries the two had slept every night intertwined together after passionate lovemaking. Now Elrond simply curled up on the edge of the bed and fell asleep hardly taking any notice of his mate.

Glorfindel realized that his lover was under a lot of stress, and he had tried everything imaginable to support him. But the stress was definitely getting to him, also. It was going to be another long sleepless night for the blond although he supposed just being near him was better than nothing. His lover hadn't banned him from his sight, at least. Perhaps hope wasn't all together lost. He had told Elrohir that everything would be alright. He doubted it would be for any of them, but at least he could still hope. Without hope there would be nothing left.

When Glorfindel reached the chambers that he shared with Elrond he knocked softly before going in. He was struck that he was knocking at his own chamber door. It hadn't always been this way, but now every move from him must be examined least it might upset his lover.

Elrond was sitting in his chair reading yet another book of lore. The elf lord had always been the studious type, but lately it had all but consumed him. He hardly ever left the room, and if he did it was likely that he was headed towards the library to get another volume. He actually looked up from the page when Glorfindel came through the door. That was a good sign. He fixed his gaze on the blond for a moment, as if to acknowledge his presence, before returning to the book before him.

Glorfindel smiled at his lover like he always did. There was silence for a time as Elrond read, or at least appeared to be reading. Sometimes Glorfindel thought that perhaps the elf lord stared at the book but did not even fathom the words. Glorfindel changed into his sleeping robes and was removing the plaits from his long golden hair when he was startled by the sound of his lover's voice.

"Have you seen my sons lately?"

The question was simple. It was hardly a conversation, but still Glorfindel felt like weeping from joy. That was how bad things had become between the two of them. Mere words from his lover were a huge victory for the blond.

"They are here in Imladris. I spoke with Elrohir in the gardens today, in fact," he replied cheerfully.

"That is good. I need to speak with them soon, particularly Elrohir." Elrond had had enough. He had to speak. He couldn't remember exactly when he had last spoken with anyone, but it had been days for sure. "I believe I lost Elladan's love centuries ago, but I still hope that my youngest son loves me enough to come with me."

He stopped after that. What was he doing talking like this? He tried to hide his pain, but he knew that it was no use. He knew that hurt was radiating from his eyes for he saw it reflected back at him as concern in his blond lover's eyes. Ever since he had let his daughter go, life had been unbearable. He was fairly certain that his eldest son would steal from him the last of his children who still might make the journey with him. And what of Glorfindel, Celebrian, all of Middle Earth? It was all too much for the elf lord to take. He couldn't even think clearly.

Glorfindel, seeing the pain in Elrond's eyes was filled with new hope. His lover never showed his pain; he spent all his efforts in hiding it. Yet here he was speaking to him about his fears, if only just a bit. It was definitely a start. Glorfindel was a warrior; he knew how to press the advantage when he had it. Being timid had gotten him nowhere as of late with Elrond. He was going to have to be bold to get a reaction from him.

With that logic in his mind, he walked slowly across the room and stood behind his lover's chair. Elrond took no outward note of his lover's actions, and Glorfindel took that as a good sign. He lowered his hands into Elrond's shoulders. He felt his lover jump, but surprisingly he didn't pull away. Perhaps this was going to work after all.

The elf lord sitting before him was incredibly tense, and who wouldn't be if they spent all of their time in a wicker chair? Slowly and gently Glorfindel began to massage the tension out. Still Elrond did not object, instead he even seemed to be enjoying it. Elrond had always loved it when Glorfindel did this to him after a long stressful day of running Imladris. As Glorfindel's confidence grew he began to move his hands in a sensual dance across his lover's back. There was no doubt that Elrond was enjoying this. He was arching his back up into the blond's hands. This was definitely progress.

Elrond had been surprised when Glorfindel had crept up behind him. He wanted to tell the blond to stop, but when he felt the other elf's hands on him he couldn't make himself protest. It felt so good to be touched by his beloved. His hands made the tension go away not only from his body, but also from his mind. His lover had always had a knack for doing that to him. So he allowed the blond to continue his ministrations, all the while telling himself that he would put a stop to it in just a moment. But 'just a moment' did not come.

When Glorfindel grew confident that Elrond wasn't going to pull away he bent his head forwards and gently teased his lover's right ear tip with his lips. He felt Elrond tense, but it wasn't a surprised kind of tension. Whether in his mind Elrond still loved him or not, Glorfindel was uncertain, but there was no doubt that his body did. At this point Glorfindel was willing to take any sign of affection that he could get from his lover.

He continued the light, teasing ministrations on Elrond's most sensitive spot while he let his hands slip down to the other elf's chest. There was no denying it now; Elrond was definitely reacting to his touch. Glorfindel was in heaven. He had not felt his lover in his arms in much too long. He let instinct take over and soon found himself kissing down Elrond's jaw line.

Elrond gave himself up to the feeling of Glorfindel's soft mouth teasing his sensitive skin. Unable to help himself he parted his lips in anticipation.

Like a flash Glorfindel pounced covering Elrond's mouth with his own. He snaked his way around the chair so he was now kneeling before his lover, never breaking contact. Yes, this was it; this was all he needed to feel that everything was alright. He ran his tongue lightly over Elrond's teeth, asking for entrance into his lover's hot mouth. Not only did the other elf oblige him, but also he found his tongue sparing with another. Elrond's hands were on him now, teasing his body into full arousal.

Glorfindel found himself overcome with the bliss of his lover's touch, his hot mouth on his own, and the soft tongue that was entangling with his almost violently, now. It had been much too long.

Elrond knew he was enjoying this too much. He had vowed to himself not to fall into the temptation that was his gorgeous blond lover. Yet here he was kissing and being kissed like there was no tomorrow. And worst of all he was thoroughly enjoying it. Another moment and he would be lost for good. There would be no rational thought left in his mind, only the heat of passion. He wanted this so badly. He wanted nothing but to be close to the other elf. His hands were on Glorfindel now. His lover was just as aroused as he was. Yes, he wanted this.

No, his body wanted this, not him. Reason flooded his passion-drugged senses. They could not do this. Suddenly he pulled back from Glorfindel and set his lips that had become bruised and red under the other's ministrations in a firm line. "No," he said firmly and practically shoved the other elf away from him. The look of anguish on his lover's face pained him straight to his heart. He did want to make Glorfindel happy, but he just couldn't. His tormented mind would not let him feel the bliss of joining with his lover. The dark thoughts that troubled him would not let him go.

Glorfindel fell back unto the floor his mouth agape with surprise. Only a moment before he had been passionately kissing his lover as if nothing had changed. There had been no doubt in his mind that Elrond had wanted his touch as much as he had wanted his. Why then had the elf pushed him away like that? What had he done to deserve this scorn? As far as Glorfindel knew he had been the ideal loving and supportive mate, but Elrond was treating him no better than a common harlot of whom he wanted nothing to do with. It pained him deeper than he had ever known. Dying in shadow and flame was nothing compared to rejection from the one he had pledged his heart to.

Glorfindel's eyes shone with tears. It took all the strength he had to maintain his composure to rise from the floor and walk over to the bed. He was defeated. Elrond really didn't want him anymore. If he could push him away even in the heat of passion then there really was no passion. They needed to talk about this. But even if he thought Elrond would be willing to speak of it now, Glorfindel doubted he had the strength. He simply climbed into the bed and pulled the blanket up to his chin. He curled his legs up to his chest and made himself as small as possible with his back to his love. It took all of his strength to hold back the sobs that wanted to rack his frame. He could not let Elrond see that he was hurting so much as to weep. If Elrond didn't care about him, then he would not burden him by making his grief known. He was Glorfindel, the balrog slayer. He had never been one to weep. Yet this was the second time in one day that he had succumbed to tears. The silent tears ran down his face. He did not see that Elrond also had tears of sadness overflowing from his own eyes.

~

Elladan entered the chambers that he shared with his brother. Elrohir was already lying on the bed, although he wasn't asleep. He looked at Elladan through the darkness, but even with elven vision he could not make out his lover's expression. He wanted to be held and comforted by the only one who could truly comfort him. He wanted his Elladan. What happened tomorrow would be tomorrow's problem. For now he just wanted to be with his love.

Elladan was surprised that Elrohir wasn't ignoring him when he walked in. In a similar situation Elladan himself would undoubtedly be haughty and unkind. That would never happen though. Elrohir was never as cruel as he had been. He was always caring and supportive, and all he asked for in return was his brother's love. Elladan felt that he had failed his lover in the worst possible way. He knew he had treated his brother very badly, and he was terribly sorry for it. His talk with Rúmil had made him see that he must cherish every moment that they had rather than push Elrohir away in the hope of saving him. "I'm sorry," he whispered through the darkness. In spite of all his eloquence that was the only thing he could bring himself to say.

Elrohir smiled, "Come here, Dan." Elladan walked over and sat down shyly on the edge of the bed. Elrohir laughed softly and grabbed his brother. "No silly, come here." He pulled Elladan so that he was on resting atop him.

Elladan straddled his hips and gently kissed his brother on the tip of his nose. "You are too kind to me, love," he said. "I have been awful, and I do not deserve your love." He buried his face in his twin's shoulder sadly. The muffled sound that escaped resembled, "Please forgive me."

"Shh, brother," Elrohir soothed, gently stroking his hair, "now is not the time for words. Please, just kiss me now."

Elladan looked up surprised. But he wasn't going to question good fortune. If his lover still wanted him after what he had done, then he would have him. The look in Elrohir's eyes was one of pure love and need. Elladan swiftly captured his brother's mouth in a hungry kiss.

Elrohir responded just as passionately. He snaked his arms around Elladan's shoulders and pulled his brother down onto him. There was nothing quite as fitting for him than to feel his twin's body, so like his own, pressed against him. The contact always served to arouse him immediately, and this time was no exception. As Elladan's tongue explored his mouth and caressed his tongue, he felt desire burning deep within him. He needed this, not just now, but for the rest of his life. His brother was the only one that could make him feel whole.

Elladan felt his brother's arousal against his stomach, and he was just as hard. He broke up their passionate kiss to explore Elrohir's body. He ran his tongue across his cheek onto his sensitive ear. He nibbled it lightly and gently blew his warm breath onto the damp tip. As always, this drove his brother wild with lust.

Elrohir moaned and reached up to grab the headboard. He needed his brother now. "Please Dan don't tease," he pleaded with his lover.

Elladan kissed him lightly on the lips before trailing his mouth down his body. He went as slowly as he could bear. He was teasing despite his brother's plea. He knew that if he drew this out for as long as they both could stand that the final release would be all the better. But he also was aching with need. When his mouth reached its destination on his brother's arousal he felt Elrohir shudder with need.

"Yes brother please don't stop," Elrohir nearly shouted. He was squirming beneath Elladan. His lover's mouth on him was so hot. He grabbed his brother's hand and sucked his fingers getting them moist so they could do their work. And then Elladan's fingers left his mouth and were probing at his entrance. The sweet bliss of the double stimulation was overcoming him. He wasn't going to last long. "Hurry.need you now," were the only words he could string together, and Elladan did not disappoint him.

Once they were joined together they certainly did not last long. Elladan knew that there was no other creature on the face of Arda who could give him such bliss. There was nothing more beautiful in his eyes than the sight of his dear Elrohir moving beneath him in pleasure and moaning with desire. Much too soon they were both spent. They cried out their release together as a single voice, a single declaration of undying love.

Elladan swiftly cleaned them up before collapsing alongside his lover. They lay in silence, arms wrapped around each other, as close as they could possibly get. Now their kisses were chaste and loving, and they snuggled tightly together as they slowly drifted off to sleep.

Elrohir felt his brother close to him, and he knew that he could never live without him. They were one being, and without his other half he could never be happy. Tomorrow could be the day that Adar came to ask for them to come with him. Tomorrow might be the coming of strife. Yet until Anor rose they were safe. For now as they lay together no harm would come to them. With those thoughts in his mind he drifted off to sleep with his head snuggled against his lover's chest.

Elladan felt his brother fall asleep. He held Elrohir possessively. He felt as if he could not let him go, ever. But he would let him go. He loved him so much that he would. Nothing could change that. Yet his last thought before he drifted off was that he wanted to be with his brother forever.

But there was to be no forever together for the sons of Elrond.


Continued in Part 2

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